I just couldn't take the curiosity any longer, so I weighed this morning.
The scale read: 199.0
That would be about 5 lbs... in less than a week.
It's incredible!!
A woman on the documentary said that she lost 7 lbs within the first 3 days of detoxing and eating healthily. I haven't gotten up the balls to do a detox yet, but I'm working up to it.
Starting yesterday, I decided to do a juice for breakfast every morning, and it's working out well. I've been eating a lot of fruits and veggies and I don't feel like I'm starving... The crazy thing is that I'm actually eating whenever I'm hungry. I'm just making healthy choices instead of the crappy ones that got me into trouble in the past.
I feel like I actually may be able to do this long term!
I'll post a thinspo soon, but Boyfriend is right beside me and may see the pictures. I know I'm doing the healthy thing now, but he doesn't really know the reason, or the extent to which I intend to go, and I'd rather he not feel the need to ask questions.
This is the most positive I've felt in a very very long time... I am not starving, or denying myself anything that I'm craving, and I'm still losing... It feels amazing. I have been leaning closer and closer to veganism, but haven't committed myself entirely.. I'm not quite sure whether or not I want to...
Have any of you watched the documentary??
[ Hungry For Change ]
I loved it...
The reason for the thoughts toward veganism is another documentary called Vegucated.
I couldn't watch the whole thing... Now, every time I look at meat, or cheese, or eggs, I get images of abused animals being herded down narrow hallways by fat, useless wastes of space called human beings. That documentary showed things that were interesting, like a woman who -while living a vegan lifestyle - had a baby boy - who looked to be about 4 or 5 in the movie - and was eight months pregnant with her second. The doctor had given her a list of ailments and diseases that she should expect within the first few years of his life. He didn't get any of them!
And, did you know that giving up meat and meat by-products for only one year, you'd reduce your carbon footprint by more than if you switched to a hybrid car?
It also showed some stuff that I don't want to recount... Needless to say it made me cry. It infuriates me that it's legal to treat animals the way that farms and people in general do. It was the animal abuse stuff that made me cry and need to turn the movie off half way through. I can't stomach looking at that shit. But since then, I haven't touched dairy, meat or anything of animal origin. I'm still debating on whether I want to o vegan, or just vegetarian, but one thing is for damn sure. I'm NEVER eating fucking meat again.
Anyway, on a happier note, I noticed that Posie posted again... If you're reading this, Posie, I don't want you to be sick by any means, but I would absolutely adore it if you'd post here again, even the smallest things. I miss you, lady. I'm sure we all do.
Your comments on my last post made me smile =]
Peridot - I know, my sister refuses to do any weight training whatsoever because she doesn't want to build muscle. It does look damn good though =]
Onyx - That completely blew my mind when I found out that oreos are vegan... When you hear the word vegan you get this image of healthy healthy healthy, until you realize that there really is a bunch of crap that is vegan... Total mindf*ck
Alice - I feel really great so far as well. How long have you been vegan? I could use all the vegan friends I can get lol. Any recommendations foodwise? I'm just starting out and haven't discovered all the tricks of the trade yet.
I'll update again soon. I love you all!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Past Square One... Now Standing on Square -1
Hello, my darlings
No, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth... Just the face of the diet earth...
I've fallen - once again - into the category of dieters who gain back more weight than they had previous to dieting...
The official number as of a couple days ago is 204.2
Yeah... I know, yucky to the zillionth degree...
I've never felt more disgusting... In my entire freaking life.....
Well, amidst my pouting, and trying to decide which diet to go back on to achieve optimum results, I stumbled across a documentary called 'Hungry for Change'
It's on Netflix, for all those who have it
If you don't have Netflix, go to hungryforchange.tv and you can watch the first 20 minutes for free.
It's basically about how the world is full of, not food, but food-like products that mimick the signals in our brains that tell us that we're satisfied. One of the guys on the show says that we're "over fed, but under nourished"
I couldn't agree more...
The people on this documentary were all glowing, so healthy and happy, and I want that.
I want to be healthy, and above all, happy.
One man was 400 lbs and once he started juicing and eating healthy, whole foods [ and sticking to it ] he literally lost 220 lbs in a period of 2 and a half years...
The detox of all the toxins in your body is supposed to be the hardest part, where you go through sugar withdrawals and the likes of that because you're only putting natural, healthy, nutrient rich foods into your body.
The aim of the whole healthy lifestyle is to vacate the position we're in now, where we're eating low-nutrient, high-calorie foods, and move instead to high-nutrient, low-calorie foods like raw fruits and vegetables, and their juicy counterparts [organic, of course], lots of flax, gelatinous fibers like chia seeds and aloe vera.
I started yesterday, and I still feel pretty nice. I was raised eating vegetarian and vegan health foods, so I already know about a lot of the things at my disposal. I made this delicious Quinoa recipe yesterday that even my meat-loving boyfriend enjoyed. It was quinoa with red, yellow, and green peppers, onions, apple cider vinegar, cayenne pepper, cilantro, and I added some Daiya vegan cheese.
In the documentary these people who are so healthy and glowing and happy say that if you're eating the right foods, your body can assimilate them perfectly, so even if you over eat on them [which I have a horrible problem with] you'll still lose weight, and if you have no weight to lose, you'll stay where you are. They even talk about people who live in other parts of the world who don't have any msg or high fructose corn syrup or refined sugar in the foods they eat, and they can eat pretty much whatever they want and stay healthy and thin.
I've done research about healthy living quite a few times in the past, and it's legit [of course it's fucking legit! it's the way we are meant to be eating] I'm so freaking excited! I never want to feel guilty over what I'm eating ever ever again.
Needless to say, I need this outlet, and the motivation that all of your posts bring to me, so I'm going to chronicle my healthy journey on here, and I'd be honored if any of you joined me, or even just watched the documentary and knew what I was talking about.
I love you all!!!
XOXO
No, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth... Just the face of the diet earth...
I've fallen - once again - into the category of dieters who gain back more weight than they had previous to dieting...
The official number as of a couple days ago is 204.2
Yeah... I know, yucky to the zillionth degree...
I've never felt more disgusting... In my entire freaking life.....
Well, amidst my pouting, and trying to decide which diet to go back on to achieve optimum results, I stumbled across a documentary called 'Hungry for Change'
It's on Netflix, for all those who have it
If you don't have Netflix, go to hungryforchange.tv and you can watch the first 20 minutes for free.
It's basically about how the world is full of, not food, but food-like products that mimick the signals in our brains that tell us that we're satisfied. One of the guys on the show says that we're "over fed, but under nourished"
I couldn't agree more...
The people on this documentary were all glowing, so healthy and happy, and I want that.
I want to be healthy, and above all, happy.
One man was 400 lbs and once he started juicing and eating healthy, whole foods [ and sticking to it ] he literally lost 220 lbs in a period of 2 and a half years...
The detox of all the toxins in your body is supposed to be the hardest part, where you go through sugar withdrawals and the likes of that because you're only putting natural, healthy, nutrient rich foods into your body.
The aim of the whole healthy lifestyle is to vacate the position we're in now, where we're eating low-nutrient, high-calorie foods, and move instead to high-nutrient, low-calorie foods like raw fruits and vegetables, and their juicy counterparts [organic, of course], lots of flax, gelatinous fibers like chia seeds and aloe vera.
I started yesterday, and I still feel pretty nice. I was raised eating vegetarian and vegan health foods, so I already know about a lot of the things at my disposal. I made this delicious Quinoa recipe yesterday that even my meat-loving boyfriend enjoyed. It was quinoa with red, yellow, and green peppers, onions, apple cider vinegar, cayenne pepper, cilantro, and I added some Daiya vegan cheese.
In the documentary these people who are so healthy and glowing and happy say that if you're eating the right foods, your body can assimilate them perfectly, so even if you over eat on them [which I have a horrible problem with] you'll still lose weight, and if you have no weight to lose, you'll stay where you are. They even talk about people who live in other parts of the world who don't have any msg or high fructose corn syrup or refined sugar in the foods they eat, and they can eat pretty much whatever they want and stay healthy and thin.
I've done research about healthy living quite a few times in the past, and it's legit [of course it's fucking legit! it's the way we are meant to be eating] I'm so freaking excited! I never want to feel guilty over what I'm eating ever ever again.
Needless to say, I need this outlet, and the motivation that all of your posts bring to me, so I'm going to chronicle my healthy journey on here, and I'd be honored if any of you joined me, or even just watched the documentary and knew what I was talking about.
I love you all!!!
XOXO
Monday, November 26, 2012
Dear Holiday Season,
I love you, but I hate you more...
I don't even want to weigh after this weekend.
I've come to a screeching halt in the way of losing.
Mostly because of all the cooking I had to do over Thanksgiving week/end
Baby shower cake for 11/17
Then, it was pies, pies, pies
I made 3 pumpkin pies, and boyfriend made a cheesecake and a black tie mousse cake
So I declared yesterday my last day to be naughty before Xmas
Today, my number is kind of hideous already: 745 cals, and it's only 3:30
Later I think that mi madre and I are going for a walk, so that might do some good, but if not, Boyfriend needs new shoes for work, and walking around Scheels while he tries them on is better than nothing. Plus, my phone has a pedometer app, so I can count steps and calories while I do that.
I'll just not eat anything until after he's home, and possibly not even then, depending on how I feel.
I've lowered my calorie limit to 1,250/day, where it was 1500. Hoping that this will speed up the weight loss process.
Did a little freestyle pilates earlier today while watching Bloomberg
10 minutes worth, so it's better than nothing at all, plus housework.
I need to shower before Boyfriend gets home, so I'll leave this post a short one, and finish off with some holiday themed Thinspo.
I don't even want to weigh after this weekend.
I've come to a screeching halt in the way of losing.
Mostly because of all the cooking I had to do over Thanksgiving week/end
Baby shower cake for 11/17
Then, it was pies, pies, pies
I made 3 pumpkin pies, and boyfriend made a cheesecake and a black tie mousse cake
So I declared yesterday my last day to be naughty before Xmas
Today, my number is kind of hideous already: 745 cals, and it's only 3:30
Later I think that mi madre and I are going for a walk, so that might do some good, but if not, Boyfriend needs new shoes for work, and walking around Scheels while he tries them on is better than nothing. Plus, my phone has a pedometer app, so I can count steps and calories while I do that.
I'll just not eat anything until after he's home, and possibly not even then, depending on how I feel.
I've lowered my calorie limit to 1,250/day, where it was 1500. Hoping that this will speed up the weight loss process.
Did a little freestyle pilates earlier today while watching Bloomberg
10 minutes worth, so it's better than nothing at all, plus housework.
I need to shower before Boyfriend gets home, so I'll leave this post a short one, and finish off with some holiday themed Thinspo.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Just a rant...
So, I tried on an old pair of jeans [I'll not post the size, because it's horrid] expecting them to fit.
They did not. I mean, I could have forced them on and sat uncomfortably all day while wearing them and had to wear a long sweatshirt so no one could see the pudge, but I decided not to.
Now I'm wearing one of the only pairs of pants that fits me, and there are holes at the thigh from all the rubbing. I'm forcing myself to endure the feeling because I figure it's punishment for letting myself get this way.
I want to see my next goal on Monday [I changed my weigh-in day to Monday because Boyfriend works that day]
175. I know that should seem disgusting to me, but after seeing 204 on a scale in May [with clothes on, but fucking still!] it seems like getting back on track. As of last weigh-in I've lost a total of 21 lbs from where I started in July.. That should make a difference! 20 lbs is a big checkpoint for some people! But I still look the same.. My clothes still fit the same way, I still cringe whenever boyfriend touches my middle, even when I'm standing up.
The only difference I've really noticed is that my bras are fitting normally again.. No more disgusting overflow of boobage.
What I really want is to get to the point where I feel comfortable posting vlogs. I, personally, like watching vlogs more than reading posts [those of you who don't do vlogs, I still adore reading your posts] because you can see the person who is behind the blog. I feel like it allows us to connect in a way that we normally wouldn't be able to.
Lately, I've been trying to find something that is time consuming and engrossing so that I'm not thinking about anything else, and therefore not obsessing about food all day. The day that Boyfriend and I watched the resident evil movies, I think my number was around 600 for the entire day! Since I'd never seen them, I wanted to pay attention so that I didn't miss anything. I wanna find something like that, that I can do every day to take my mind off of food. Posting here helps, because reading your thoughts and posting my own helps to give me a renewal of motivation, which I feel I need desperately! My numbers for the past few days have been awful! [like mostly around 1350 awful]
Anyway, I need to go do my hair and put on makeup.
Love you all!
XOXO
They did not. I mean, I could have forced them on and sat uncomfortably all day while wearing them and had to wear a long sweatshirt so no one could see the pudge, but I decided not to.
Now I'm wearing one of the only pairs of pants that fits me, and there are holes at the thigh from all the rubbing. I'm forcing myself to endure the feeling because I figure it's punishment for letting myself get this way.
I want to see my next goal on Monday [I changed my weigh-in day to Monday because Boyfriend works that day]
175. I know that should seem disgusting to me, but after seeing 204 on a scale in May [with clothes on, but fucking still!] it seems like getting back on track. As of last weigh-in I've lost a total of 21 lbs from where I started in July.. That should make a difference! 20 lbs is a big checkpoint for some people! But I still look the same.. My clothes still fit the same way, I still cringe whenever boyfriend touches my middle, even when I'm standing up.
The only difference I've really noticed is that my bras are fitting normally again.. No more disgusting overflow of boobage.
What I really want is to get to the point where I feel comfortable posting vlogs. I, personally, like watching vlogs more than reading posts [those of you who don't do vlogs, I still adore reading your posts] because you can see the person who is behind the blog. I feel like it allows us to connect in a way that we normally wouldn't be able to.
Lately, I've been trying to find something that is time consuming and engrossing so that I'm not thinking about anything else, and therefore not obsessing about food all day. The day that Boyfriend and I watched the resident evil movies, I think my number was around 600 for the entire day! Since I'd never seen them, I wanted to pay attention so that I didn't miss anything. I wanna find something like that, that I can do every day to take my mind off of food. Posting here helps, because reading your thoughts and posting my own helps to give me a renewal of motivation, which I feel I need desperately! My numbers for the past few days have been awful! [like mostly around 1350 awful]
Anyway, I need to go do my hair and put on makeup.
Love you all!
XOXO
Monday, September 17, 2012
A Little Of Everything
My blood-draw went well. I was SO happy to get a phlebotomist who knew what she was doing. She got it on the first try, and actually took her time finding the vein. I was in and out of there in 10 minutes.
I'm down to 178.6! So glad to see that number again. Now, in order to have the same results, though, I'll have to make some tweaks to the diet plan. I'll try 1,000 calorie limit. I made that yesterday, with a final number of 955. So I just barely made it, but I think I can do it. I'll just need to be A LOT more strict with myself. I'm a little disappointed that I'm happy to see 178. Two summers ago I was MORTIFIED by this number. I need to be more realistic with myself this time. I won't lose control =] plain and simple.
Yesterday was a pretty awesome day. I went to a restaurant with Boyfriend for breakfast [this is why I like that he knows I'm on a diet. He never pressures me to eat what he knows I can't] I just had coffee, we sat and talked while he ate and then went to rent the Resident Evil movies [because I'd never seen them before]
We spent all day watching movies and just hanging out together. It was wonderful! Since he got his job I rarely see him. He works from 5 a.m. to whenever he finishes the day's work. Sometimes he comes home around 2, other times he won't get home until 8 or 9. I never know when he'll be home because of how unpredictable his times are.
I did another BMR calculation because of my weight, and it's now 1645. When I started it was 2073, so now the number of calories I'd require to maintain is about 99 calories lower than on July 16th when I started the diet. I'd still be okay with the 1500 calorie limit, my weight loss just wouldn't be as quick.
I have a head ache, so I'mma go take some ibuprofen.
Love you xx
I'm down to 178.6! So glad to see that number again. Now, in order to have the same results, though, I'll have to make some tweaks to the diet plan. I'll try 1,000 calorie limit. I made that yesterday, with a final number of 955. So I just barely made it, but I think I can do it. I'll just need to be A LOT more strict with myself. I'm a little disappointed that I'm happy to see 178. Two summers ago I was MORTIFIED by this number. I need to be more realistic with myself this time. I won't lose control =] plain and simple.
Yesterday was a pretty awesome day. I went to a restaurant with Boyfriend for breakfast [this is why I like that he knows I'm on a diet. He never pressures me to eat what he knows I can't] I just had coffee, we sat and talked while he ate and then went to rent the Resident Evil movies [because I'd never seen them before]
We spent all day watching movies and just hanging out together. It was wonderful! Since he got his job I rarely see him. He works from 5 a.m. to whenever he finishes the day's work. Sometimes he comes home around 2, other times he won't get home until 8 or 9. I never know when he'll be home because of how unpredictable his times are.
I did another BMR calculation because of my weight, and it's now 1645. When I started it was 2073, so now the number of calories I'd require to maintain is about 99 calories lower than on July 16th when I started the diet. I'd still be okay with the 1500 calorie limit, my weight loss just wouldn't be as quick.
I have a head ache, so I'mma go take some ibuprofen.
Love you xx
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
In Honor of Suicide Awareness Week, a song... And some bitching
I never meant to be the one
Who kept you from the dark
But now I know my wounds are sewn
Because of who you are
I will take this burden on
And become the holy one
But remember I am human
And I’m bound to sing this song
So hear my voice, remind you not to bleed
I am here
Saviour
Will be there
When you are feeling alone, oh
A Saviour
For all that you do
So you live freely
Without their harm
So here I write my lullaby
To all the lonely ones Remember as you learn to try
To be the one you love So I can take this pen
And teach you how to live
What is left unsaid
The greatest gift I give
So hear my voice, remind you not to bleed
I am here
Saviour
Will be there
When you are feeling alone, oh
A Saviour For all that you do
So you live freely
Without their harm
When I hear your cries
Praying for light
I will be there
I will always be there
--Black Veil Brides
And now, for the bitching...
I have to get blood drawn today.
This is not a good thing.
Piercing needles, I can handle... At least that way you get something out of the stabbing...
I cannot handle medical needles for blood drawing...
A side note for any phlebotomists out there: LEARN TO DO YOUR JOB THE RIGHT WAY
I hate it when they miss a vein that you could see from Hubble and then have to wiggle the fucking needle around in my arm to get it to the right place... Dear people who suck at drawing blood, I hate you.
Last time was one of those times... My blood wouldn't flow... Like it just wasn't there. The lady got a few drops [but only after wiggling the needle and inserting and pulling it out and repeating *armsexwithneedle] and then I made her stop and wouldn't let her try again because you could already see the bruise forming... I looked like a clumsy heroin addict.
The lady said that it was because I wasn't hydrated enough, which is bullshit, because that day I'd already had 1 litre, and the day before I'd had 3... I was NOT fucking dehydrated.
I've made it perfectly clear that I'm not happy. To mother, to the nurses, and if they don't get it on the first poke, I'm giving 'em a big EFFFFF YOU and walking my happy ass outta there.
K, I'm done ranting... Off to guzzle more water.
Who kept you from the dark
But now I know my wounds are sewn
Because of who you are
I will take this burden on
And become the holy one
But remember I am human
And I’m bound to sing this song
So hear my voice, remind you not to bleed
I am here
Saviour
Will be there
When you are feeling alone, oh
A Saviour
For all that you do
So you live freely
Without their harm
So here I write my lullaby
To all the lonely ones Remember as you learn to try
To be the one you love So I can take this pen
And teach you how to live
What is left unsaid
The greatest gift I give
So hear my voice, remind you not to bleed
I am here
Saviour
Will be there
When you are feeling alone, oh
A Saviour For all that you do
So you live freely
Without their harm
When I hear your cries
Praying for light
I will be there
I will always be there
--Black Veil Brides
And now, for the bitching...
I have to get blood drawn today.
This is not a good thing.
Piercing needles, I can handle... At least that way you get something out of the stabbing...
I cannot handle medical needles for blood drawing...
A side note for any phlebotomists out there: LEARN TO DO YOUR JOB THE RIGHT WAY
I hate it when they miss a vein that you could see from Hubble and then have to wiggle the fucking needle around in my arm to get it to the right place... Dear people who suck at drawing blood, I hate you.
Last time was one of those times... My blood wouldn't flow... Like it just wasn't there. The lady got a few drops [but only after wiggling the needle and inserting and pulling it out and repeating *armsexwithneedle] and then I made her stop and wouldn't let her try again because you could already see the bruise forming... I looked like a clumsy heroin addict.
The lady said that it was because I wasn't hydrated enough, which is bullshit, because that day I'd already had 1 litre, and the day before I'd had 3... I was NOT fucking dehydrated.
I've made it perfectly clear that I'm not happy. To mother, to the nurses, and if they don't get it on the first poke, I'm giving 'em a big EFFFFF YOU and walking my happy ass outta there.
K, I'm done ranting... Off to guzzle more water.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Updates, and Rebel Love Song =p
See them? I consider them beautiful, beautiful men lol
That is my type, right there =] mmmmm
Anyhooooo.
So I weighed today, and, although it's slow going, I'm still losing. I'm sitting at 180.2 right now
Even though it's not a big loss, I'm still really happy, because I've never gotten this far down on my goals list before... It's always been, like, I'll meet two goals and then gain and have to start over again.
I quit my job, by the way... I couldn't fucking handle it anymore.
So now, I'm going to get my book finished and published whatever it takes so that I never have to get another job again... Writing is my passion, and I will make it my lifelong career.
It's been really hard for me lately, to stick to my diet plan. Especially since this is birthday/holiday season... I swear, everyone I know has a birthday in July-December, and not only that, but there are holidays that I have to cook for, and special occasions of other kinds that I have to attend... This makes for A LOT of cheat days...
I know that most people fail on diets because they absolutely ban themselves from their favorite foods and then binge. I figure I'm doing myself a favor by allowing myself to eat my favorite things on special occasions, and so far I'm proving myself right... I've never ever lasted this long on a diet before... I've lost just shy of 20 lbs in about a month and a half... It's amazing.
I won't fail this time around... I've learned my lesson. I know now that I can't be happy with the way I am... I've tried to be.. A million and one times I've tried to accept myself being chubby. I just can't.. In my mind, my fucked up, sadistic mind, girls are SUPPOSED to be tiny and fragile and beautiful. I don't see beauty in overweight people... even myself.
People have called me pretty, and all I can say is "I was..."
I see all these women who think their
When I see one of them, I see that they have a nice face and I think "huh, what a shame... She could be so pretty if she'd only lose like 20 lbs."
It's not in my wiring to accept myself this way. I don't care if everyone thinks I become "too skinny"
I've done the research, and my goal weight is actually still in the "healthy" column for my height, so they can suck it.
I know I can do this. We all can, just think of how gorgeous we'll all be when all of our hard work pays off.
If you watched the video at the top of the post, you may have noticed that the type of man I find attractive is pretty thin.. Boyfriend is a little bit thinner than Andy, [the front man with the stunning eyes]
So now you have a little bit of perspective into why I wanna be so small... Because my favorite men are skinny, and I believe that women should be smaller than men, that means teeny tiny me...
Anyway, I'm about to go read and catch up on your blogs. I've missed you all so much!!
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