My face has never been this round before...
My cheeks aren't sagging like a bulldog, but I feel like their roundness looks bulldoggish.
I really just need a break from life right now...
No, I'm not suicidal or anything, I just wish I could go to sleep and be comatose until I'm skinny. Until all of my problems have dissolved themselves with time.
I'm too tired to deal with anything right now.
My head hurts.
I can't stop eating. It's so compulsive... Sometimes I don't even really taste my food. I just inhale it.
I don't understand how some of you can just turn off the urge to eat at will.
Statistically, only about 2% of the human population has the ability to starve themselves successfully. The rest of us are just setting ourselves up for failure when we try...
When I was fourteen, I set out to become anoretic, and I succeeded for a very short while.
Then, I started eating again because my family was worried about me.
Because of that, I now can't stop eating...
If you're reading this, thinking that its easy to just stop eating whenever you want. If you're a thirteen year old girl who thinks she's fat. Don't try to starve yourself.
There's a slim chance you'll succeed, and if you do, you might die from starvation or organ failure.
If you don't succeed, you'll end up like me. Fatter than I ever imagined would be possible, all because I tried to stop eating, and started a cycle of starving and bingeing that always leans toward the binge side.
When I was young, I set out to get an eating disorder... One of the ones that make you pretty, like ana and mia.
I got an eating disorder, alright, just not the one I wanted.
I have been officially diagnosed with EDNOS in the form of non purging bulimia. It happened back in January or February, and I don't think I've told anyone...
I just wish I had never started this... I wish I could go back to my fourteen year old self and tell her that she was fine the way she was and that if she didn't stop, she would end up 225 lbs and still gaining, always miserable, feeling unworthy of the people she loves, and in a constant struggle against herself and the food that surrounds her.
But it's too late now...
im sure you do not look like a bulldog bby
ReplyDeleteoh no when you don't taste the food though spfkspgksgspkgskgs
aww sweetie :(
it's sad to see you like this
you know you don't have to starve yourself to be thin sdfopksogpksgs
mia. that woman is my devil. I was fluctuating from the same weight for forever.
it may be too late
but you have the ability to take whatever you have now and make it into something. that's the thing about experiences. you don't pick what happens to you, but you can pick how you handle it and what positive outcome you may achieve from it.
it didn't work.
so now what?
something new.
<3
I love you sweetie
take care of yourself, please.
-Sam Lupin
You have made a huge realization that I think some people in this community haven't yet. The eating disorder is what made you (and me, and many others) overweight, and it's nearly impossible to simply switch to restrictive-type ED patterns and get thin. If you're like me, you were a perfectly normal weight before.
ReplyDeleteYou are not less deserving of happiness because you are overweight. You are not less beautiful because you are overweight. You are a person with an eating disorder whose weight reflects that. I think learning to forgive yourself (or at least not hate yourself) for ending up where you are right now will help you move on from it and get healthier.
dropitandeat.blogspot.com is a great blog from a dietician who works with eating disordered patients of all types. Check her out sometime.
I wish those idiots who think this shit is a lifestyle could have a wake-up call.
ReplyDeleteYou are you and you are awesome because you are you. Remember that. You don't have to be a certain size or shape to deserve good things and love and happiness. You deserve it simply because you are alive.
I need a break, too. Lets build blanket forts and nap in them.
Love you <3