Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Dear Ana,

I'm still simply maintaining... I don't know what more I can do!

I'm eating less than 800 calories every day, [[Today, I'm at 710, and I'm not gonna eat anything else!]]
I've drained two 30 oz bottles of water and have had about 400 mgs of caffeine.

I feel jittery and weird and just plain MAD. It's like I'm going crazy! I need to lose weight! I want to be to my goal by this weekend!

[[Saturday night, to be exact... Boyfriend is sleeping over that night]]

I want to be noticeably smaller by then. I can't wait till I can fit into this one pair of size 5s that I have. They're red leopard print, and they're sooooo cute!

I have been in the 170s for too damn long... If I don't see a 160 number within the next 5 days, I'm going to fucking scream! I miss being on Ritalin. When I was on ritalin, I simply wasn't hungry. I don't want to buy it illegally, because that would be fucking expensive. More fucking expensive than the prescription itself.....

Maybe, since I'm turning eighteen in about a month and a half, I'll get my own doctor, and feign symptoms of ADD... it worked before... I never fucking thought I had ADD, but they were making me lose weight so fast that my mom made me stop taking them... I lost 20 pounds in like a month and a half... it was awesome...

FUCK... I'm sick of being fat... I haven't binged all day. I just had a little meal thing at lunch. I made sure that it had tons of protein so that I would stay full longer. Plus, protein makes you burn like 65% more calories than you would if you didn't have it.
I would just really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really like to be skinny again.

If skinny had a flavor... I'd almost be able to taste it right now... That's how badly I want it.

I love all your comments =] they're so sweet and supportive and just thank you sooo much...

Also. For those of you who post Thinspo's on your blogs, I thank you very very much. They give me the kick that I need when I'm feeling below motivated.

You girls are the best =]

5 comments:

  1. if skinny was a flavour it would be the most awesome one out there!! forget mint choc chip!
    maybe you need to take a couple of days to shock the metabolism and remind it that it has a job to do? maybe after the boyf comes you can up the calories for a few days then drop back down. xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good luck girl, I know you can do it <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. just stay stron ghun u can do this ujust have to stay strong

    ReplyDelete
  4. Good luck, you CAN do it! xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have been stuck in the 160's for so long feel the same freaking way, im going crazy right now ! I just wanna lose weight ! Lets fight darling :)

    ReplyDelete