Friday, August 31, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
A Proper Update
In reply to the comments I've received since starting work:
Peri : I wouldn't imagine that laxative dependence would be fun, but I imagine I've come close in the past. I used to take them every night so that I would be empty before weighing the next morning. I didn't know about the water retention thing though. I makes sense, just never connected the dots.
Yeah, my job is completely stressful. I was reprimanded for not making enough sales yesterday, and I came home in tears because I DO NOT like being yelled at... Or even talked to sternly. Everyone I know says the same thing, that I need to start looking somewhere else for a job... And I agree, especially since it's only the 3rd week I've even worked there, and I'm already coming home crying.
No. Bueno.
Honor : The recruiter completely lied to me lol. I was told that I was doing the firewall shit, and then I get to the actual job and it's nothing like what I agreed to do. The lady didn't know what the fuck she was talking about. She said it was technically a sales job, but that they didn't want me to be pushy at all. Like ask once and if the person says no, leave it at that. Then, I went through the entire hiring process without any additional information, and I get into the training class, and find out that everyone was told something different about what they'd be doing. No one really knew what they'd be doing, and so I didn't even know it was a hardcore sales position until like 3 days into training.
[[ Also, this is gonna sound weird, but don't use the company's name in comments or anything like that, because they have a department that trolls the internet and literally looks for their employees to say something bad about them]] << Completely not even joking... I've never worked for a company that is this strict, and paranoid, and distrusting of its employees.
Miranda : I know! That's why this job is so stressful... I absolutely SUCK at sales, and then finding out that if I don't improve [[like suddenly start making 3 sales per day]] immediately, I run the risk of being fired... So Yeah, I'm completely frazzled right now. Thank you for the encouragement, though. I hope I can find something better soon as well.
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And now, the actual post.
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So, if you read the comment replies above, you already know how work went yesterday, but if you're like me, i.e. you don't see your name, so you keep scrolling, you don't.
So here's the deal.
I got one sale yesterday, which is better than usual... I've worked there for 3 weeks and only made 2 in total. But the end of the day rolled around, and I still hadn't gotten a second one, and so my bosses' bosses' boss got yelled at by the client, which made him yell at his subordinates, which made them yell at my boss, and made him yell at me. It's the chain of yelling [if you watch How I Met Your Mother, you know what I'm referencing]
We're not making enough sales right now, and so everyone is on edge... Basically, there are like 4 people carrying the 60 people who work there... Not good. But I am no good at sales... That's why I took the job in the first place, because they said that it was only an "offer once and leave it at that" kind of thing... Well, They either lied or didn't know what the fuck they were talking about...
Also, In a past post, I had used the company's name... I edited the name out of that post because I found out that they track the internet, looking for mentions of their name, and if they find out that one of their employees says something bad about them on the internet, it's "disciplinary action up to and including termination of employment"
So, if any of you happen to remember the company's name, Don't use it lol.
I know I use a fake name on here, but still... I don't know how far they take their trolling, and I don't wanna risk anything. like I said to Honor, in the comment replies above, I have NEVER worked for a company that is this strict, and paranoid, and distrusting of it's employees. EVER.
On the bright side [The manic depressive, dark, bright side]] I've had to double my antidepressants since I started working this job [[ yeah, that's how stressful this gig is ]] and my appetite has been so freaking low. If you look over at the weight tracker thingy, I'm down to 181.6. I've officially broken out of my plateau.
I only consumed 230 calories yesterday... I was so stressed and sick to my stomach that the thought of eating made me even more sick. I wanna keep the trend going, but since I don't have work today, I'm not as stressed out... Hoping my appetite doesn't come back full force lol. That would suck.
I've also noticed that my energy levels have dropped once again [most likely a result of the heightened depression and anxiety] so I haven't had the energy to go to the gym since LAST Monday... Not this past one, the one before that... I have set my alarm at the right time so that I'd have time to go work out and then shower and get ready and stuff, but I would end up turning the alarm off in my sleep.
I'm glad that my weight is down, but I don't like feeling this way... I don't like being afraid to go in to work every day because I don't want to get in trouble for not stepping over my anxiety barrier and pushing people till they're only buying what I'm selling so that I'll leave them alone... Or worse, pushing them until they're so freaking pissed off that they don't wanna buy anything from the company, ever.
On a completely different topic...
I can wrap my hand around my wrist and have my fingers touch again!
I haven't been able to do that in months, and now that I can again, I'm happier.
Hopefully the rapid weight loss will continue. I'm behaving myself.
No sugar, no junk at all, just nutrition bars and frozen "Lean Cuisine" meals and "Amy's" meals.
That's it. I'm surviving on water, tea, coffee, Luna bars, and those two frozen food brands.
I don't think that my menu has ever been so small...
I'm going to go read all the blogs I've been missing out on now,
I love you girls!
Peri : I wouldn't imagine that laxative dependence would be fun, but I imagine I've come close in the past. I used to take them every night so that I would be empty before weighing the next morning. I didn't know about the water retention thing though. I makes sense, just never connected the dots.
Yeah, my job is completely stressful. I was reprimanded for not making enough sales yesterday, and I came home in tears because I DO NOT like being yelled at... Or even talked to sternly. Everyone I know says the same thing, that I need to start looking somewhere else for a job... And I agree, especially since it's only the 3rd week I've even worked there, and I'm already coming home crying.
No. Bueno.
Honor : The recruiter completely lied to me lol. I was told that I was doing the firewall shit, and then I get to the actual job and it's nothing like what I agreed to do. The lady didn't know what the fuck she was talking about. She said it was technically a sales job, but that they didn't want me to be pushy at all. Like ask once and if the person says no, leave it at that. Then, I went through the entire hiring process without any additional information, and I get into the training class, and find out that everyone was told something different about what they'd be doing. No one really knew what they'd be doing, and so I didn't even know it was a hardcore sales position until like 3 days into training.
[[ Also, this is gonna sound weird, but don't use the company's name in comments or anything like that, because they have a department that trolls the internet and literally looks for their employees to say something bad about them]] << Completely not even joking... I've never worked for a company that is this strict, and paranoid, and distrusting of its employees.
Miranda : I know! That's why this job is so stressful... I absolutely SUCK at sales, and then finding out that if I don't improve [[like suddenly start making 3 sales per day]] immediately, I run the risk of being fired... So Yeah, I'm completely frazzled right now. Thank you for the encouragement, though. I hope I can find something better soon as well.
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And now, the actual post.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, if you read the comment replies above, you already know how work went yesterday, but if you're like me, i.e. you don't see your name, so you keep scrolling, you don't.
So here's the deal.
I got one sale yesterday, which is better than usual... I've worked there for 3 weeks and only made 2 in total. But the end of the day rolled around, and I still hadn't gotten a second one, and so my bosses' bosses' boss got yelled at by the client, which made him yell at his subordinates, which made them yell at my boss, and made him yell at me. It's the chain of yelling [if you watch How I Met Your Mother, you know what I'm referencing]
We're not making enough sales right now, and so everyone is on edge... Basically, there are like 4 people carrying the 60 people who work there... Not good. But I am no good at sales... That's why I took the job in the first place, because they said that it was only an "offer once and leave it at that" kind of thing... Well, They either lied or didn't know what the fuck they were talking about...
Also, In a past post, I had used the company's name... I edited the name out of that post because I found out that they track the internet, looking for mentions of their name, and if they find out that one of their employees says something bad about them on the internet, it's "disciplinary action up to and including termination of employment"
So, if any of you happen to remember the company's name, Don't use it lol.
I know I use a fake name on here, but still... I don't know how far they take their trolling, and I don't wanna risk anything. like I said to Honor, in the comment replies above, I have NEVER worked for a company that is this strict, and paranoid, and distrusting of it's employees. EVER.
On the bright side [The manic depressive, dark, bright side]] I've had to double my antidepressants since I started working this job [[ yeah, that's how stressful this gig is ]] and my appetite has been so freaking low. If you look over at the weight tracker thingy, I'm down to 181.6. I've officially broken out of my plateau.
I only consumed 230 calories yesterday... I was so stressed and sick to my stomach that the thought of eating made me even more sick. I wanna keep the trend going, but since I don't have work today, I'm not as stressed out... Hoping my appetite doesn't come back full force lol. That would suck.
I've also noticed that my energy levels have dropped once again [most likely a result of the heightened depression and anxiety] so I haven't had the energy to go to the gym since LAST Monday... Not this past one, the one before that... I have set my alarm at the right time so that I'd have time to go work out and then shower and get ready and stuff, but I would end up turning the alarm off in my sleep.
I'm glad that my weight is down, but I don't like feeling this way... I don't like being afraid to go in to work every day because I don't want to get in trouble for not stepping over my anxiety barrier and pushing people till they're only buying what I'm selling so that I'll leave them alone... Or worse, pushing them until they're so freaking pissed off that they don't wanna buy anything from the company, ever.
On a completely different topic...
I can wrap my hand around my wrist and have my fingers touch again!
I haven't been able to do that in months, and now that I can again, I'm happier.
Hopefully the rapid weight loss will continue. I'm behaving myself.
No sugar, no junk at all, just nutrition bars and frozen "Lean Cuisine" meals and "Amy's" meals.
That's it. I'm surviving on water, tea, coffee, Luna bars, and those two frozen food brands.
I don't think that my menu has ever been so small...
I'm going to go read all the blogs I've been missing out on now,
I love you girls!
Monday, August 27, 2012
Quick Update Before Work
I'm sorry I haven't been commenting as much lately. I've definitely been reading, just haven't commented.
This new job is wiping me out, mentally and physically. It's depressing, and I know I'm probably being a big baby, but I don't know how much longer I can take it.
Constantly being yelled at and pressured to make sales pitches to people who are already pissed off
And then finding out on Friday, that if I don't make enough sales, I'll be fired... That is fucking stressful, if you ask me.
I'm going to stick it out as long as I can, because I need the money, but when I start thinking of excuses to not go in to work one day, then I'm in trouble. I'll start putting in applications at bakeries [I love to bake. Even if I don't eat what I've made, I still just love doing it.]
If I'm doing that, I'll be doing something I love, and I'll be able to do that forever lol
I'm down to 184.6
Not a big loss, but I'm glad to see it again, I'm back down to the size I was at last summer, and still getting smaller. I haven't noticed any difference in the way my clothes fit, but I can definitely see it sometimes, just by looking... But only sometimes. Other than that, I'm just a fucking whale who needs more self control.
Anyway, I love you girls!
I promise I'll catch up on commenting soon!
XOXO
This new job is wiping me out, mentally and physically. It's depressing, and I know I'm probably being a big baby, but I don't know how much longer I can take it.
Constantly being yelled at and pressured to make sales pitches to people who are already pissed off
And then finding out on Friday, that if I don't make enough sales, I'll be fired... That is fucking stressful, if you ask me.
I'm going to stick it out as long as I can, because I need the money, but when I start thinking of excuses to not go in to work one day, then I'm in trouble. I'll start putting in applications at bakeries [I love to bake. Even if I don't eat what I've made, I still just love doing it.]
If I'm doing that, I'll be doing something I love, and I'll be able to do that forever lol
I'm down to 184.6
Not a big loss, but I'm glad to see it again, I'm back down to the size I was at last summer, and still getting smaller. I haven't noticed any difference in the way my clothes fit, but I can definitely see it sometimes, just by looking... But only sometimes. Other than that, I'm just a fucking whale who needs more self control.
Anyway, I love you girls!
I promise I'll catch up on commenting soon!
XOXO
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Work, Semi-Update, and Stress
Stress is from work, obviously...
I'm not comfortable with being car-salesman pushy with customers.. If they say no, they don't wanna buy it, I want to leave it at that and let them keep their damn money. The product is a good one, so its their loss, and more money for us when they call back.. And they DO call back.
I did end up getting a new scale, and it said the exact same thing as the old one did. So I guess the plateau is a real thing. I haven't weighed this week, because I started my period, and I'm always a bit bloated during that time, so I'm going to wait until next week whenever it ends to weigh myself.
I broke down and took laxatives yesterday... I know it's bad, and I know it just makes constipation more likely later on, but I hadn't had a "movement" in like 3 days, and at that point, it's not only bothersome, but dangerous and unhealthy. Being all cleaned out felt so freaking nice, though... SO NICE =]
I have to finish getting ready for work now, I just had to pop in and let you girls know that I haven't abandoned you. I'm still here, just very very busy and tired all the time.
I'll catch up on all your blogs this weekend. I'm so sorry that I haven't been here =/
I love you girls so much =]
XOXO
I'm not comfortable with being car-salesman pushy with customers.. If they say no, they don't wanna buy it, I want to leave it at that and let them keep their damn money. The product is a good one, so its their loss, and more money for us when they call back.. And they DO call back.
I did end up getting a new scale, and it said the exact same thing as the old one did. So I guess the plateau is a real thing. I haven't weighed this week, because I started my period, and I'm always a bit bloated during that time, so I'm going to wait until next week whenever it ends to weigh myself.
I broke down and took laxatives yesterday... I know it's bad, and I know it just makes constipation more likely later on, but I hadn't had a "movement" in like 3 days, and at that point, it's not only bothersome, but dangerous and unhealthy. Being all cleaned out felt so freaking nice, though... SO NICE =]
I have to finish getting ready for work now, I just had to pop in and let you girls know that I haven't abandoned you. I'm still here, just very very busy and tired all the time.
I'll catch up on all your blogs this weekend. I'm so sorry that I haven't been here =/
I love you girls so much =]
XOXO
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Weigh-In
So I didn't gain... But I didn't lose either.
I somehow knew it would be this way...
I fucking maintained!
I semi don't believe the scale...
Because:
A) I, once again, have not pooped in 2 days
B) Pretty much everything I ate yesterday was high in sodium, so I'm most likely retaining water
So, I'm going to buy a new scale today! One that I can keep in my room [we have hardwood floors in our room, so the scale would still work there]
That way, I'm not going into my mother's bathroom every time I need to weigh, and she won't know that I'm weighing. Because every time I weigh, I have to go into her bathroom, and she watches me come out with this look on her face that's like "Good news? Bad news? TellMeTellMeTellMe!!"
I don't like talking about my weight out loud... Even to someone as supportive as mi madre [She knows about my tendencies and my thought processes and she still congratulates me when I tell her that I haven't eaten anything, because she knows that, to me, that is a GOOD thing] So yeah, she is extremely supportive.
And if I'm losing consistently, I'm fine with telling her, because I'm excited and I want to tell someone... Not boyfriend, because I don't want to vocalize to him anything about my weight. He's still under the delusion that I'm fine as I am, so I'mma leave him there... Let him think I'm pretty so that he'll stay around while I actually become pretty. But if I'm not losing consistently, like if I've maintained or gained, she gets this pitiful "I feel SO sorry for you" look that I can't stand seeing.
Not only the bathroom thing, but another reason I want a new scale is because the one I've been using all this time is ancient. We've had it since I was like 12... So the calibration on that one might not be 100% anyway.
Yesterday, I got nauseous before I could make any real progress at the gym, so my output ended up at 320... Which would be okay, if my intake hadn't been 1460...
I like my outputs to take me out of the 1000s. That's the only way I stay sane with going over 1000 in the first place, because, normally, I know that my output will give me a net that's below it.
Today, I haven't been to the gym... I think I'm going to take 1 day off per week, for muscle recovery and such.
But because I'm not going to the gym today, I'm going to try to stick to liquids only for as long as I can. I won't let my intake cross 1000 today.
So far I've had coffee with cream, and the cream was 80 cals.
That is all I've had other than water, and I'm still feeling pretty good. I figure as long as I consistently keep my stomach full of water, I'll be too full already to think about eating anything... The only problem is forcing the water down. That's why I've failed at water fasts in the past. Because I cease to be thirsty and stop drinking. Then my stomach empties out a bit and I'm suddenly starving. The longest I've ever made it on just water/coffee/tea was 24 hours. The other fasts I've done, like the one's I've participated in through blogger, were liquid fasts, so I could have liquid calories, just not solid ones, and the longest I've lasted on one of those was 48 hours.
I'll probably post again a bit later, if not though, I'll try to post tomorrow after work.
Gotta go, though, me, momma and boyfriend are going shopping =]
XOXO
I somehow knew it would be this way...
I fucking maintained!
I semi don't believe the scale...
Because:
A) I, once again, have not pooped in 2 days
B) Pretty much everything I ate yesterday was high in sodium, so I'm most likely retaining water
So, I'm going to buy a new scale today! One that I can keep in my room [we have hardwood floors in our room, so the scale would still work there]
That way, I'm not going into my mother's bathroom every time I need to weigh, and she won't know that I'm weighing. Because every time I weigh, I have to go into her bathroom, and she watches me come out with this look on her face that's like "Good news? Bad news? TellMeTellMeTellMe!!"
I don't like talking about my weight out loud... Even to someone as supportive as mi madre [She knows about my tendencies and my thought processes and she still congratulates me when I tell her that I haven't eaten anything, because she knows that, to me, that is a GOOD thing] So yeah, she is extremely supportive.
And if I'm losing consistently, I'm fine with telling her, because I'm excited and I want to tell someone... Not boyfriend, because I don't want to vocalize to him anything about my weight. He's still under the delusion that I'm fine as I am, so I'mma leave him there... Let him think I'm pretty so that he'll stay around while I actually become pretty. But if I'm not losing consistently, like if I've maintained or gained, she gets this pitiful "I feel SO sorry for you" look that I can't stand seeing.
Not only the bathroom thing, but another reason I want a new scale is because the one I've been using all this time is ancient. We've had it since I was like 12... So the calibration on that one might not be 100% anyway.
Yesterday, I got nauseous before I could make any real progress at the gym, so my output ended up at 320... Which would be okay, if my intake hadn't been 1460...
I like my outputs to take me out of the 1000s. That's the only way I stay sane with going over 1000 in the first place, because, normally, I know that my output will give me a net that's below it.
Today, I haven't been to the gym... I think I'm going to take 1 day off per week, for muscle recovery and such.
But because I'm not going to the gym today, I'm going to try to stick to liquids only for as long as I can. I won't let my intake cross 1000 today.
So far I've had coffee with cream, and the cream was 80 cals.
That is all I've had other than water, and I'm still feeling pretty good. I figure as long as I consistently keep my stomach full of water, I'll be too full already to think about eating anything... The only problem is forcing the water down. That's why I've failed at water fasts in the past. Because I cease to be thirsty and stop drinking. Then my stomach empties out a bit and I'm suddenly starving. The longest I've ever made it on just water/coffee/tea was 24 hours. The other fasts I've done, like the one's I've participated in through blogger, were liquid fasts, so I could have liquid calories, just not solid ones, and the longest I've lasted on one of those was 48 hours.
I'll probably post again a bit later, if not though, I'll try to post tomorrow after work.
Gotta go, though, me, momma and boyfriend are going shopping =]
XOXO
Friday, August 10, 2012
Jitters
So today, I had my first day of work. It wasn't too bad, but it was long..
We were let go around 3, but the day had felt infinitely longer. It was pretty much just standard beginning of training stuff, going over policies and stuff like that. Policies that I read when I did my new hire paperwork. I know that other people might not read those things, but I did. So I heard the policy stuff twice.
My intake for yesterday was 910
I remember it off the top of my head because of the consecutive numbers in the one number lol
Today was a weight day, and I'm starting to worry that I'm not working myself hard enough. I'm not getting sore anymore, but I do repetitions until it becomes painful to breathe and my heart is racing... And then I do 10 more reps!!
I don't know if I could survive pushing myself any harder right now.
Cardio days are always easy because there is a little readout on whatever machine I'm on that says how well I'm doing. How far I've hypothetically traveled, how many calories I've burned, etc. etc.
I know I'm making a difference on Cardio days, but on weight days?
I basically just have to make myself in pain in order to be satisfied... And then once the pain is gone, I no longer feel satisfied, and then I live out the rest of the day all guilty and such because I feel like I didn't work out as hard as I could have.
I've decided to make my weigh-in days Sundays, because I work on Mondays and I'm crunched for time on those days. Sundays, I don't work, so it only makes sense to weigh then.
This means that weigh-in is day after tomorrow.
I'm literally twitching with anticipation. I've voiced this before, but you're gonna hear it again, because this is my place to bitch and gush and vent...
I have such high hopes and expectations since I lost so much for my last weigh-in, and I'm afraid that I've lost minimally, or just maintained. If I've gained, I'll be legitimately shocked because I've been working out EVERY DAY and following my diet plan more intensely than the doctor intended. He told me 1500 cals a day, and I have not once even reached that much. The majority of the time, I don't even reach 1100. So I'm not concerned about a gain. I just don't wanna get on the scale and find out I've maintained. That would royally suck.
In reply to your comments:
Peri: I would LOVE some fluffy dice for my lovely car =] and I purposely ignore my BMR, because last time I took it into account, I abused it and would eat more than I should have. Plus, this way I actually get results =]
Farmacista: I think you'll get results, girl! You're working too hard not to! And I'm sorry, but I don't want to put my real name on here just in case someone I know stumbles onto the blog and finds out some things about me that I don't want known. I'm paranoid, I know, but I like feeling safe here =]
And now, I've run out of things to say, so I'll bid you all a temporary adieu =]
I love you girls!
We were let go around 3, but the day had felt infinitely longer. It was pretty much just standard beginning of training stuff, going over policies and stuff like that. Policies that I read when I did my new hire paperwork. I know that other people might not read those things, but I did. So I heard the policy stuff twice.
My intake for yesterday was 910
I remember it off the top of my head because of the consecutive numbers in the one number lol
Today was a weight day, and I'm starting to worry that I'm not working myself hard enough. I'm not getting sore anymore, but I do repetitions until it becomes painful to breathe and my heart is racing... And then I do 10 more reps!!
I don't know if I could survive pushing myself any harder right now.
Cardio days are always easy because there is a little readout on whatever machine I'm on that says how well I'm doing. How far I've hypothetically traveled, how many calories I've burned, etc. etc.
I know I'm making a difference on Cardio days, but on weight days?
I basically just have to make myself in pain in order to be satisfied... And then once the pain is gone, I no longer feel satisfied, and then I live out the rest of the day all guilty and such because I feel like I didn't work out as hard as I could have.
I've decided to make my weigh-in days Sundays, because I work on Mondays and I'm crunched for time on those days. Sundays, I don't work, so it only makes sense to weigh then.
This means that weigh-in is day after tomorrow.
I'm literally twitching with anticipation. I've voiced this before, but you're gonna hear it again, because this is my place to bitch and gush and vent...
I have such high hopes and expectations since I lost so much for my last weigh-in, and I'm afraid that I've lost minimally, or just maintained. If I've gained, I'll be legitimately shocked because I've been working out EVERY DAY and following my diet plan more intensely than the doctor intended. He told me 1500 cals a day, and I have not once even reached that much. The majority of the time, I don't even reach 1100. So I'm not concerned about a gain. I just don't wanna get on the scale and find out I've maintained. That would royally suck.
In reply to your comments:
Peri: I would LOVE some fluffy dice for my lovely car =] and I purposely ignore my BMR, because last time I took it into account, I abused it and would eat more than I should have. Plus, this way I actually get results =]
Farmacista: I think you'll get results, girl! You're working too hard not to! And I'm sorry, but I don't want to put my real name on here just in case someone I know stumbles onto the blog and finds out some things about me that I don't want known. I'm paranoid, I know, but I like feeling safe here =]
And now, I've run out of things to say, so I'll bid you all a temporary adieu =]
I love you girls!
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Anxious
I'm getting a little antsy in my pantsys for Monday. I'm excited to weigh in... Because the results of the last few weigh-ins were so awesome.. I don't wanna get my hopes up, though..
Cuz it would majorly suck balls if I had these high hopes and then I find out that I've only lost 0.5lb.
Or worse... Maintained
o_O That would definitely SUCK
I'm participating in Piggy's Challenge at (Size) Zero Intentions << if you're interested in joining, click the link!
The more the merrier!
It would be awesome to have a community wide weight loss competition. We'd all be getting closer to our goals, and we'd be doing something as a group =]
So, yesterday's intake was 1,065.
Really, not a bad number, considering I work out every day.
But, yesterday was a weight day, so I don't have an output number.
Therefore, I don't really know the exact number for yesterday.
But, since I'm guessing I burned at least 100 cals, I know that the net number would be below 1,000 anyway =] SCORE
Today, so far I've had 400 cals even.
I kind of know for a fact that my intake for today will be below 1,000 even without the output number for a net.
Output, by the way, is: 325 cals
It's about 5:00 right now, and since I rarely eat anything after 8:00 since I go to bed around 9:00-9:30, I know that the number -even without a net- will be pleasing.
I start work tomorrow =/
I've been looking forward to the day since the end of July when I got hired.
But now that it's actually here, I'm extremely nervous...
I haven't had a job in about a year, so I'm out of practice in a big way...
I can't afford to fuck this one up.. I need the job so that I can afford school, and This Car
If you didn't want to click the link, it's a BMW X6
My dream car lol
But the BASE MODEL runs somewhere around 71,000
BASE MODEL!!
But, the base model is like the upgraded version of any other car's base model. So I'm okay with the base model lol.
I just neeeeedddd that car!!
I love it!!
The house I want is a different story entirely [a 12.9m story]
I'll get there some day lol... But the car first!!
And now, some Thinspo =]
Yes, I'm still all winter/fall obsessed lol
Cuz it would majorly suck balls if I had these high hopes and then I find out that I've only lost 0.5lb.
Or worse... Maintained
o_O That would definitely SUCK
I'm participating in Piggy's Challenge at (Size) Zero Intentions << if you're interested in joining, click the link!
The more the merrier!
It would be awesome to have a community wide weight loss competition. We'd all be getting closer to our goals, and we'd be doing something as a group =]
So, yesterday's intake was 1,065.
Really, not a bad number, considering I work out every day.
But, yesterday was a weight day, so I don't have an output number.
Therefore, I don't really know the exact number for yesterday.
But, since I'm guessing I burned at least 100 cals, I know that the net number would be below 1,000 anyway =] SCORE
Today, so far I've had 400 cals even.
I kind of know for a fact that my intake for today will be below 1,000 even without the output number for a net.
Output, by the way, is: 325 cals
It's about 5:00 right now, and since I rarely eat anything after 8:00 since I go to bed around 9:00-9:30, I know that the number -even without a net- will be pleasing.
I start work tomorrow =/
I've been looking forward to the day since the end of July when I got hired.
But now that it's actually here, I'm extremely nervous...
I haven't had a job in about a year, so I'm out of practice in a big way...
I can't afford to fuck this one up.. I need the job so that I can afford school, and This Car
If you didn't want to click the link, it's a BMW X6
My dream car lol
But the BASE MODEL runs somewhere around 71,000
BASE MODEL!!
But, the base model is like the upgraded version of any other car's base model. So I'm okay with the base model lol.
I just neeeeedddd that car!!
I love it!!
The house I want is a different story entirely [a 12.9m story]
I'll get there some day lol... But the car first!!
And now, some Thinspo =]
Yes, I'm still all winter/fall obsessed lol
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
A Thousand Times, Thank You
You girls are so awesome!
Your comments on my "Rematch" post made me tear up lol
I've NEVER been called inspirational before... By Anyone.
So hearing it all at once from so many people ((All of whom mean the WORLD to me))
Made me feel amazing =]
I love what you girls said about the last post. Telling me to keep my head up and use the disappointing numbers as a more intense drive to succeed, and that's EXACTLY what I'm going to do.
I just had to post this to let you girls know how much you mean to me, and how awesome your comments are to read!
This will be us!
Your comments on my "Rematch" post made me tear up lol
I've NEVER been called inspirational before... By Anyone.
So hearing it all at once from so many people ((All of whom mean the WORLD to me))
Made me feel amazing =]
I love what you girls said about the last post. Telling me to keep my head up and use the disappointing numbers as a more intense drive to succeed, and that's EXACTLY what I'm going to do.
I just had to post this to let you girls know how much you mean to me, and how awesome your comments are to read!
This will be us!
Measurements
So, at my gym, upon signing up for a membership, you get a free fitness assessment
I had mine today, and so I now also have my measurements and BMI, none of which I knew before. So, here it goes.
Waist: 37
Abdomen: 38
Hips: 44
Right Bicep: 13.5
Left Bicep: 14
Right Thigh: 23.5
Left Thigh: 23.25
Weight, as of today: 185.2
Body Fat % : 38.9%
Body Fat Weight: 72 lbs
Lean Weight [Muscle]: 113.2 lbs
Water Weight: 84.2 lbs
Protein/Mineral Weight: 29 lbs
None of these numbers please me... At All... I mean, I'm glad that I'm down a bit more, but I wish I had never gotten up to this point in the first place, ya know?
I wish I was where some of the girls on blogger are - i.e. 130 lbs and still thinking they're fat... Or even better, 120 lbs and thinking they're fat...-
I wish I had the right to call those numbers big ones.
One of my legs probably weighs that much.
In the fitness profile, there's a section where the person who did the assessment could leave comments. The lady that did mine said this:
"Ayden, as you can see in the graph above, your body fat score is in the 'Needs Improvement' category. You should consider talking to a health professional about a program that will help you lose 24 to 30 lbs of body weight."
Of course, I want to lose WAY more than 30 lbs, but the fact is that my body fat percentage is in the obese category... That fucking disgusts and crushes me!
I NEVER thought I would be here... In fact, when I was a kid I was afraid of becoming this.
I made it a point to say that I never would become this.
And I have...
Wow.
I had mine today, and so I now also have my measurements and BMI, none of which I knew before. So, here it goes.
Waist: 37
Abdomen: 38
Hips: 44
Right Bicep: 13.5
Left Bicep: 14
Right Thigh: 23.5
Left Thigh: 23.25
Weight, as of today: 185.2
Body Fat % : 38.9%
Body Fat Weight: 72 lbs
Lean Weight [Muscle]: 113.2 lbs
Water Weight: 84.2 lbs
Protein/Mineral Weight: 29 lbs
None of these numbers please me... At All... I mean, I'm glad that I'm down a bit more, but I wish I had never gotten up to this point in the first place, ya know?
I wish I was where some of the girls on blogger are - i.e. 130 lbs and still thinking they're fat... Or even better, 120 lbs and thinking they're fat...-
I wish I had the right to call those numbers big ones.
One of my legs probably weighs that much.
In the fitness profile, there's a section where the person who did the assessment could leave comments. The lady that did mine said this:
"Ayden, as you can see in the graph above, your body fat score is in the 'Needs Improvement' category. You should consider talking to a health professional about a program that will help you lose 24 to 30 lbs of body weight."
Of course, I want to lose WAY more than 30 lbs, but the fact is that my body fat percentage is in the obese category... That fucking disgusts and crushes me!
I NEVER thought I would be here... In fact, when I was a kid I was afraid of becoming this.
I made it a point to say that I never would become this.
And I have...
Wow.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Rematch
I re-weighed myself this morning, [Last night, I drank some cleanse tea, which worked this morning]
And I'm down now to 189.8. I'm more satisfied with that number, even though it's only 0.6 lb, I just wanted to be OUT of the 190s. And now that I am, I'm making a solemn vow that I will NEVER go back.
Seeing those ridiculous numbers was [and still is] extremely depressing... Like I wonder every day how I let myself get this way. And I can never answer that question, because I know it was all my fault. Once I got a car it all went downhill... I no longer had to walk home from school, or over to friends' houses, or anywhere else for that matter. I've always been a pretty sedentary person, but the walking about 1 mile home from school every day was what kept me looking decent.
I remember being at a plateau between 142 and 143 and thinking that I was SOOO fat. And now?? I'm like 50 lbs more than that.
I miss being able to think that a number like that was fat...
I miss the days when I thought I was fat, but actually wasn't [around 124 lbs]
Now, I actually am fat.
It used to be that I'd mention my weight, or make a comment about being fat, and EVERYONE would jump out and say "no you're not!" "You're perfect" "You look great just like you are"
Now??
I mention my weight, and everyone tries their hardest to ignore the comment... Or they'll put forth a half-hearted "no you're not"
But I know that they can't possibly mean it.
I'm done being pitied.
I'm done being fat.
DONE.
I've reached a turning point, and I am going to stay this way.
I'm going to eat healthy food when I must eat, but if I can stave off hunger, it'll be water for me
I will continue to exercise EVERY DAY, no matter what.
Even when I'm sick, because, every time I've stayed home from the gym because of a sickness, I never go back, and I WILL NOT let that happen.
I need to be happy again... And I can't be happy with life or anything else until I can be comfortable in my own skin.
Thinspo: Autumn
As you can probably see, I'm still counting down the days until Fall starts lol
LoveYouAll ♥
And I'm down now to 189.8. I'm more satisfied with that number, even though it's only 0.6 lb, I just wanted to be OUT of the 190s. And now that I am, I'm making a solemn vow that I will NEVER go back.
Seeing those ridiculous numbers was [and still is] extremely depressing... Like I wonder every day how I let myself get this way. And I can never answer that question, because I know it was all my fault. Once I got a car it all went downhill... I no longer had to walk home from school, or over to friends' houses, or anywhere else for that matter. I've always been a pretty sedentary person, but the walking about 1 mile home from school every day was what kept me looking decent.
I remember being at a plateau between 142 and 143 and thinking that I was SOOO fat. And now?? I'm like 50 lbs more than that.
I miss being able to think that a number like that was fat...
I miss the days when I thought I was fat, but actually wasn't [around 124 lbs]
Now, I actually am fat.
It used to be that I'd mention my weight, or make a comment about being fat, and EVERYONE would jump out and say "no you're not!" "You're perfect" "You look great just like you are"
Now??
I mention my weight, and everyone tries their hardest to ignore the comment... Or they'll put forth a half-hearted "no you're not"
But I know that they can't possibly mean it.
I'm done being pitied.
I'm done being fat.
DONE.
I've reached a turning point, and I am going to stay this way.
I'm going to eat healthy food when I must eat, but if I can stave off hunger, it'll be water for me
I will continue to exercise EVERY DAY, no matter what.
Even when I'm sick, because, every time I've stayed home from the gym because of a sickness, I never go back, and I WILL NOT let that happen.
I need to be happy again... And I can't be happy with life or anything else until I can be comfortable in my own skin.
Thinspo: Autumn
As you can probably see, I'm still counting down the days until Fall starts lol
LoveYouAll ♥
Monday, August 6, 2012
LONG Post ; Updates, and Comment Replies
So, I'm extremely discouraged.
I weighed in today, and have only lost about 1 pound.
Looking at some of the facts behind this number, I have been able to survive the day so far.
Fact #1 : I haven't had a BM in two days, therefore, I have 2 days' worth of food still in me.
Fact #2 : I've been working out, so my muscles could be a bit inflamed.
I'm hoping that I can poop today. I'll take laxatives, or eat prunes, or something else that makes one poop, and try to do it right before bed. That way I'm sure that I won't have any food in me when I do a re-match with my scale tomorrow morning before the gym.
Oooh, black coffee... Always works. That's what I'll do =]
As you can see by the ticker, and my goals sidebar thingy, My weight this morning was 190.4
Granted, it is still a loss, but it's a shitty loss.
I killed myself at the gym today lol. I can feel my arms already, and my legs will probably hurt tomorrow morning.
But, I've worked out a workout schedule so that I can keep myself balanced. I'll alternate between cardio and weight training. Today was a weight day, so I don't have a calorie loss number for you, but my notebook is right by me now, so I can tell you yesterday's stats:
Intake: 868
Output: 634
Net: 234
I was pretty pleased with that one.
I haven't eaten yet today, but I want lobster... like really bad
I know it's not too high in fat, and I can weigh it raw and find out the calorie count on
calorieking.com
That website is literally my best friend now.
And now for what is going to be a ridiculously long list of comment replies
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Buggy : I just went over and followed your blog =] I remember you lol, yours was the blog that brought me to blogger in the first place haha.
Peri: I've listened to them since, like, 8th grade lol. and YES I would love some bare-tree pics!!! It'll be a sort of fix for me lol and autumn/wintertime are my heroin lol. With regards to the knitting talk and lace and stuff, the only word I understood in that was lace lol.
I'm wayyy motivated. and I hope it'll last. I just feel so disgusted with how I've been living up until this point, and I want to fix it. 2 lbs a week has been my target in the past, but it really did seem so very very slow lol. Now, I don't even care, I just want the weight OFF.
And your rain wishes WORKED lol it rained for a good hour yesterday, thunder n everything =] And then it rained again during the night =] You are officially my lucky charm!
Thanks for the info about youtube videos!! I may just start doing vlogs now =] But I think I'll wait until I'm a bit thinner in the face. The double chin of doom might just burn your eyes out lol
Alice : See, that's why I love the cold, not only because I can wear the sweaters and boots and comfy warm clothes, but I LOVE being able to feel cold. I like having to get warm, because when you're cold, you can always do something to warm yourself up, drink tea, blankets, etc. But in the summertime when it's so freaking hot, there's only so much you can do. You can remove layers of clothing, but once you're naked, you can no longer take anything off. You can take cold showers/baths, but you can't stay there forever, and once you're out, you're too hot again lol.
Kayla : No problem, I love your blog and what it represents! I've been both vegetarian and vegan, but never lasted long with either. I still eat the foods though =] I adore tofu lol. I can only imagine what frutarianism would be like!! You're amazing, girl!! and Thank you for the luck =]
Moonlight Mistress : That's exactly why I'm going to work out before work!!! I just know that if I put it off until after, I'll make up some excuse to justify not going, like being too tired. If I make myself just wake up and do it, then it's over with and I can be tired after work all I want lol.
I weighed in today, and have only lost about 1 pound.
Looking at some of the facts behind this number, I have been able to survive the day so far.
Fact #1 : I haven't had a BM in two days, therefore, I have 2 days' worth of food still in me.
Fact #2 : I've been working out, so my muscles could be a bit inflamed.
I'm hoping that I can poop today. I'll take laxatives, or eat prunes, or something else that makes one poop, and try to do it right before bed. That way I'm sure that I won't have any food in me when I do a re-match with my scale tomorrow morning before the gym.
Oooh, black coffee... Always works. That's what I'll do =]
As you can see by the ticker, and my goals sidebar thingy, My weight this morning was 190.4
Granted, it is still a loss, but it's a shitty loss.
I killed myself at the gym today lol. I can feel my arms already, and my legs will probably hurt tomorrow morning.
But, I've worked out a workout schedule so that I can keep myself balanced. I'll alternate between cardio and weight training. Today was a weight day, so I don't have a calorie loss number for you, but my notebook is right by me now, so I can tell you yesterday's stats:
Intake: 868
Output: 634
Net: 234
I was pretty pleased with that one.
I haven't eaten yet today, but I want lobster... like really bad
I know it's not too high in fat, and I can weigh it raw and find out the calorie count on
calorieking.com
That website is literally my best friend now.
And now for what is going to be a ridiculously long list of comment replies
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buggy : I just went over and followed your blog =] I remember you lol, yours was the blog that brought me to blogger in the first place haha.
Peri: I've listened to them since, like, 8th grade lol. and YES I would love some bare-tree pics!!! It'll be a sort of fix for me lol and autumn/wintertime are my heroin lol. With regards to the knitting talk and lace and stuff, the only word I understood in that was lace lol.
I'm wayyy motivated. and I hope it'll last. I just feel so disgusted with how I've been living up until this point, and I want to fix it. 2 lbs a week has been my target in the past, but it really did seem so very very slow lol. Now, I don't even care, I just want the weight OFF.
And your rain wishes WORKED lol it rained for a good hour yesterday, thunder n everything =] And then it rained again during the night =] You are officially my lucky charm!
Thanks for the info about youtube videos!! I may just start doing vlogs now =] But I think I'll wait until I'm a bit thinner in the face. The double chin of doom might just burn your eyes out lol
Alice : See, that's why I love the cold, not only because I can wear the sweaters and boots and comfy warm clothes, but I LOVE being able to feel cold. I like having to get warm, because when you're cold, you can always do something to warm yourself up, drink tea, blankets, etc. But in the summertime when it's so freaking hot, there's only so much you can do. You can remove layers of clothing, but once you're naked, you can no longer take anything off. You can take cold showers/baths, but you can't stay there forever, and once you're out, you're too hot again lol.
Kayla : No problem, I love your blog and what it represents! I've been both vegetarian and vegan, but never lasted long with either. I still eat the foods though =] I adore tofu lol. I can only imagine what frutarianism would be like!! You're amazing, girl!! and Thank you for the luck =]
Moonlight Mistress : That's exactly why I'm going to work out before work!!! I just know that if I put it off until after, I'll make up some excuse to justify not going, like being too tired. If I make myself just wake up and do it, then it's over with and I can be tired after work all I want lol.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Bit of an Update [A comment reply post will come soon]
So I went to the gym for the first time today, and lemme tell ya, it felt fucking great!!!
I sweated up a storm and burned over 600 calories [real number is in my notebook which is all the way across the room]
It looks as though it might rain soon. The sky is getting grey, and I REALLY REALLY hope it rains. As I mentioned in a previous post, I hate summer..
My boyfriend is a jerk... Not really, but he tickles my feet even though he knows that I hate it lol
I've really run out of things to say, so I'll talk to you all later!!
XOXO
I sweated up a storm and burned over 600 calories [real number is in my notebook which is all the way across the room]
It looks as though it might rain soon. The sky is getting grey, and I REALLY REALLY hope it rains. As I mentioned in a previous post, I hate summer..
My boyfriend is a jerk... Not really, but he tickles my feet even though he knows that I hate it lol
I've really run out of things to say, so I'll talk to you all later!!
XOXO
Friday, August 3, 2012
Nostalgia
I want it to be Autumn already... I'm so so so so so sick of the desert-dry heat here. It's ridiculous. The AVERAGE summer day here is like 97 degrees Farenheit [I dunno the celsius version] but it's hot.... And sweaty and miserable and I'm sicksicksick of it.
I miss the leaves turning colors
And big hoodies
And sleeping WITH the covers
And snow
And 45 degree HEAVEN
But, I'm determined, [I feel more now than ever] to be substantially thinner by the equinox
I have a month and a half to DO this.
I know I've made progress, and continue to do so, I just really want to see big results by then. I don't know how much weight I'm capable of losing by then, but I hope it's a lot.
I got my gym membership, by the way =]
I kind of want to go tonight, but at the same time, I just wanna go tomorrow morning.
Because then, it's like I'm beginning my routine. I'm training myself to be comfortable with waking up early [and not just when the dog has to poo and I can't go back to sleep afterward]
And I need to make it a habit to go to the gym in the mornings, because that's how it has to be with work n everything.
I'm so excited to wear my cute new workout clothes tomorrow morning =D
And the gym routine is just so fun. Listening to my music and getting into the zone with my workout, forgetting all my surroundings and just going... I can't wait
Monday is my weigh-in, and I'm nervous/excited to see how I've done.
I love you girls!
I'll try to update again tomorrow to let you know how much I burned and stuff like that.
XOXO
I miss the leaves turning colors
And big hoodies
And sleeping WITH the covers
And snow
And 45 degree HEAVEN
But, I'm determined, [I feel more now than ever] to be substantially thinner by the equinox
I have a month and a half to DO this.
I know I've made progress, and continue to do so, I just really want to see big results by then. I don't know how much weight I'm capable of losing by then, but I hope it's a lot.
I got my gym membership, by the way =]
I kind of want to go tonight, but at the same time, I just wanna go tomorrow morning.
Because then, it's like I'm beginning my routine. I'm training myself to be comfortable with waking up early [and not just when the dog has to poo and I can't go back to sleep afterward]
And I need to make it a habit to go to the gym in the mornings, because that's how it has to be with work n everything.
I'm so excited to wear my cute new workout clothes tomorrow morning =D
And the gym routine is just so fun. Listening to my music and getting into the zone with my workout, forgetting all my surroundings and just going... I can't wait
Monday is my weigh-in, and I'm nervous/excited to see how I've done.
I love you girls!
I'll try to update again tomorrow to let you know how much I burned and stuff like that.
XOXO
Comment Replies [I'll Update Later]
Moonlight Mistress: Yeah, I think that must be it, like my body is just getting used to the meds being in my system. I had never had my thyroid checked... I don't think. But it was kind of discouraging to find out that, at 19, I already have a rest-of-my-life condition, ya know?? But I'll get over it in time lol
My new job will be doing firewall protection for Guthy Renker [ they do infomercials ]
It sounds ridiculously easy, and the fact that I won't have to deal with their customers is an added bonus.
Quiet Battle: Yeah, I really like having energy now. Yesterday, [ you know how I was gonna get my nails done and get new workout clothes ] I did all of that and was done before noon. I feel like, since I don't need as much sleep, I have soooo much more time on my hands lol. Yeah, the nail tearing is ridiculous. Every time I stop getting my nails done, I'm convinced that I can keep myself from picking at them, I haven't picked at them in months, so i won't now. And like a week later, they're torn to shit and I'm starting the process all over again. It's a pain in the butt. Especially since my mother and boyfriend have weeded that out as my "tell"
They can tell that I'm anxious or that something is wrong just because I'm tearing at my nails, so hiding emotions is extremely hard around my house.
Alice May: I really do hope that that gets fixed lol, I wonder if that's happening to anyone else with my blog... weird. And Thanks for the intake compliment! I have a hard time being okay with any intake, really, and it's nice to know that at least someone thinks I'm doing a good job. Yeah, the gym membership is really useful as a tool, especially since I don't like going out for runs, cars driving by and looking at me running [or struggling to run, which is usually the case] is embarrassing to say the least lol. I'm excited to start going again, now I just needa figure out which one to go to lol.
Peri: I do the thing with scabs too. In some ways I think that that one is worse than nail picking/biting, because it is [to me, anyway] more satisfying. The blood, I mean. I know it's sadistic, but when I'm picking at something, the sight of blood tells me that I've gotten rid of it, and I can calm down. You listen to MSI!!! I've listened to them for years! All their music is really good workout music, since I don't think they have a single slow song lol. I'll definitely look into doing NaNo this year. Is there an official website I can go to, to sign up?
My new job will be doing firewall protection for Guthy Renker [ they do infomercials ]
It sounds ridiculously easy, and the fact that I won't have to deal with their customers is an added bonus.
Quiet Battle: Yeah, I really like having energy now. Yesterday, [ you know how I was gonna get my nails done and get new workout clothes ] I did all of that and was done before noon. I feel like, since I don't need as much sleep, I have soooo much more time on my hands lol. Yeah, the nail tearing is ridiculous. Every time I stop getting my nails done, I'm convinced that I can keep myself from picking at them, I haven't picked at them in months, so i won't now. And like a week later, they're torn to shit and I'm starting the process all over again. It's a pain in the butt. Especially since my mother and boyfriend have weeded that out as my "tell"
They can tell that I'm anxious or that something is wrong just because I'm tearing at my nails, so hiding emotions is extremely hard around my house.
Alice May: I really do hope that that gets fixed lol, I wonder if that's happening to anyone else with my blog... weird. And Thanks for the intake compliment! I have a hard time being okay with any intake, really, and it's nice to know that at least someone thinks I'm doing a good job. Yeah, the gym membership is really useful as a tool, especially since I don't like going out for runs, cars driving by and looking at me running [or struggling to run, which is usually the case] is embarrassing to say the least lol. I'm excited to start going again, now I just needa figure out which one to go to lol.
Peri: I do the thing with scabs too. In some ways I think that that one is worse than nail picking/biting, because it is [to me, anyway] more satisfying. The blood, I mean. I know it's sadistic, but when I'm picking at something, the sight of blood tells me that I've gotten rid of it, and I can calm down. You listen to MSI!!! I've listened to them for years! All their music is really good workout music, since I don't think they have a single slow song lol. I'll definitely look into doing NaNo this year. Is there an official website I can go to, to sign up?
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Thyroid Meds, Job Info, and New Things... And comment replies
I have been awake since 4:52 this morning when my dog got me up having to go potty.
I planned, originally, to go back to sleep.
But I know now that I cannot. I have never had this much energy before. It was hard to go to sleep last night, and I must've fallen asleep around 12 or 1 in the morning, and then waking up this early and having all this energy?
This has literally never happened to me before.
Even when I used to get up at 5:30 every morning to go to the gym, I was half asleep until some point between putting my stuff in the locker room, and climbing the stairs to the workout floor.
Right now, I'm sitting still only because:
(A) I've run out of clean clothes to work out in, and not only that, the clothes I have worked out in in the past were not mine. None of them.
and
(B) All of the stores at which I could buy my own workout clothes are closed because it's only 6:30.
I don't remember the last time I had this much time on my hands lol
So, today, I'm going out and buying myself my first workout clothes that are actually mine. I'm going to buy the workout clothes first, then go and get my nails done, because my anxiety is back full force, and my real nails are torn down to the beds.
I will explain:
While most people bite their nails, I pick and tear at them, sometimes until they bleed, and usually as a nervous-habit/coping mechanism type thing.
I want to get my nails done because I think my fingers are too short without long nails, and I'm incapable of letting my nails grow.
Solution: Acrylic, Not tear-able nails =^.^=
So I'm kind of treating myself before I start my job on the 10th
And, during training, I'll be working longer than normal work hours, so time will be scarce, and I dunno if this energy is really a result of the Thyroid medication kicking in, or if I'm just having a random burst that will expire and leave me sleepy in a few hours.
Still can't tell, but at the moment, I don't care.
I just need to bide my time until the store opens and I can finally get my clothes, and then move on to the nail salon =]
I enjoy having something to do during the day lol
I didn't eat yesterday until around 6:00, when I consumed 1119 calories. In one sitting.
Still under my limit, but still... In ONE sitting???
That was all I ate yesterday, because I don't even really like going over 1,000.
Annnnd, with my first paycheck from the new job, I will be opening up a new gym membership =]
And going EVERY DAY before work, NOT after
Days off, I haven't completely decided yet. During training, I'll have weekends off, which will be the only time I'll have to see my boyfriend since he works so early during the week and has to go to bed early as a result.
I want to work out during my days off, but at the same time, I don't.
I don't know... I'll figure it out.
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Comment Replies:
Tempest: Thanks for the encouragement, girl. It's not that they give the hormone credit for the weight loss, it's that the hormone causes you to not want food during the diet, because it releases your fat stores and lets your body consume that, so, really, you're getting somewhere near 4,000 calories a day, but it's through the consumption of your abnormal fat stores, and the only reason that you're required to eat the 500 calories is so that you won't go deficient in minerals, vitamins, proteins and the likes, but all of your fat needs are coming from your body. So people can go on 500 calories per day without feeling hungry at all, and not people like us, who are used to restricting to an amount close to there anyway. So I'm not crediting the weight loss solely to the hormone, it's the No-Hunger thing that entices me. lol
Peri: I have never heard of pretending to be running from zombies lol, but I imagine that it would definitely make the run more interesting lol. I've done that with the bikes, not to that particular song, but with similar ones, and not even to challenge myself. It's because I'm slightly/insanely OCD and if there is a pattern to beats, I need to make my feet match those beats. I do the same thing with walking, if the song is fast, I have to run to match the beat.. I'm weird, lol, I know.
I don't think the compliment was undeserved at all
And yeah, it sucked hard. I am still writing the same story, takes place along the Multiverse theory, where there are multiple universes, only in mine, those universes are not parallel to ours. The universe in question is completely different, Magic exists, and all that jazz. Fantasy/Romance is definitely my favorite genre to write. And the losing of my story is kind of a funny one. I'm a UFO fanatic, and I was looking at this one site, and I clicked on a "Top Secret" link that was FBI and CIA files that were made available to the public, and suddenly, my computer just shuts down.
I hadn't backed up my story or anything. And I have never done NaNoWriMo, in fact I had never even heard of it until I saw that abbreviation on someone's blog and got curious.. It was either yours or Posie's. I'll definitely check into it though =]
Clytie: I was leaning toward weekly weigh-ins too, but not because of the muscle inflammation thing, in fact, I didn't even know that that happened until you just told me lol. I was gonna do it weekly because daily is so very up and down and discouraging if you don't see a loss, ya know? But if you're doing weekly weigh-ins and you're still not losing, or are gaining, then you know it's not just a normal fluctuation, but that you're actually gaining. Thanks for the new info, girl!! and for the congrats on the job =]
A Quiet Battle: You're very welcome =] the love is very much deserved! and thank you! I'm way excited to start earning money again lol.
And, with that, I bid you a temporary adieu.
LoveYouLoveYou
I planned, originally, to go back to sleep.
But I know now that I cannot. I have never had this much energy before. It was hard to go to sleep last night, and I must've fallen asleep around 12 or 1 in the morning, and then waking up this early and having all this energy?
This has literally never happened to me before.
Even when I used to get up at 5:30 every morning to go to the gym, I was half asleep until some point between putting my stuff in the locker room, and climbing the stairs to the workout floor.
Right now, I'm sitting still only because:
(A) I've run out of clean clothes to work out in, and not only that, the clothes I have worked out in in the past were not mine. None of them.
and
(B) All of the stores at which I could buy my own workout clothes are closed because it's only 6:30.
I don't remember the last time I had this much time on my hands lol
So, today, I'm going out and buying myself my first workout clothes that are actually mine. I'm going to buy the workout clothes first, then go and get my nails done, because my anxiety is back full force, and my real nails are torn down to the beds.
I will explain:
While most people bite their nails, I pick and tear at them, sometimes until they bleed, and usually as a nervous-habit/coping mechanism type thing.
I want to get my nails done because I think my fingers are too short without long nails, and I'm incapable of letting my nails grow.
Solution: Acrylic, Not tear-able nails =^.^=
So I'm kind of treating myself before I start my job on the 10th
And, during training, I'll be working longer than normal work hours, so time will be scarce, and I dunno if this energy is really a result of the Thyroid medication kicking in, or if I'm just having a random burst that will expire and leave me sleepy in a few hours.
Still can't tell, but at the moment, I don't care.
I just need to bide my time until the store opens and I can finally get my clothes, and then move on to the nail salon =]
I enjoy having something to do during the day lol
I didn't eat yesterday until around 6:00, when I consumed 1119 calories. In one sitting.
Still under my limit, but still... In ONE sitting???
That was all I ate yesterday, because I don't even really like going over 1,000.
Annnnd, with my first paycheck from the new job, I will be opening up a new gym membership =]
And going EVERY DAY before work, NOT after
Days off, I haven't completely decided yet. During training, I'll have weekends off, which will be the only time I'll have to see my boyfriend since he works so early during the week and has to go to bed early as a result.
I want to work out during my days off, but at the same time, I don't.
I don't know... I'll figure it out.
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Comment Replies:
Tempest: Thanks for the encouragement, girl. It's not that they give the hormone credit for the weight loss, it's that the hormone causes you to not want food during the diet, because it releases your fat stores and lets your body consume that, so, really, you're getting somewhere near 4,000 calories a day, but it's through the consumption of your abnormal fat stores, and the only reason that you're required to eat the 500 calories is so that you won't go deficient in minerals, vitamins, proteins and the likes, but all of your fat needs are coming from your body. So people can go on 500 calories per day without feeling hungry at all, and not people like us, who are used to restricting to an amount close to there anyway. So I'm not crediting the weight loss solely to the hormone, it's the No-Hunger thing that entices me. lol
Peri: I have never heard of pretending to be running from zombies lol, but I imagine that it would definitely make the run more interesting lol. I've done that with the bikes, not to that particular song, but with similar ones, and not even to challenge myself. It's because I'm slightly/insanely OCD and if there is a pattern to beats, I need to make my feet match those beats. I do the same thing with walking, if the song is fast, I have to run to match the beat.. I'm weird, lol, I know.
I don't think the compliment was undeserved at all
And yeah, it sucked hard. I am still writing the same story, takes place along the Multiverse theory, where there are multiple universes, only in mine, those universes are not parallel to ours. The universe in question is completely different, Magic exists, and all that jazz. Fantasy/Romance is definitely my favorite genre to write. And the losing of my story is kind of a funny one. I'm a UFO fanatic, and I was looking at this one site, and I clicked on a "Top Secret" link that was FBI and CIA files that were made available to the public, and suddenly, my computer just shuts down.
I hadn't backed up my story or anything. And I have never done NaNoWriMo, in fact I had never even heard of it until I saw that abbreviation on someone's blog and got curious.. It was either yours or Posie's. I'll definitely check into it though =]
Clytie: I was leaning toward weekly weigh-ins too, but not because of the muscle inflammation thing, in fact, I didn't even know that that happened until you just told me lol. I was gonna do it weekly because daily is so very up and down and discouraging if you don't see a loss, ya know? But if you're doing weekly weigh-ins and you're still not losing, or are gaining, then you know it's not just a normal fluctuation, but that you're actually gaining. Thanks for the new info, girl!! and for the congrats on the job =]
A Quiet Battle: You're very welcome =] the love is very much deserved! and thank you! I'm way excited to start earning money again lol.
And, with that, I bid you a temporary adieu.
LoveYouLoveYou
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