I need help.. I am still doing as badly as I was during my last post..
I can't fucking get control...
And seeing as I never really had it in the first place, I can't say I even know what I'm missing out on.
Yeah, I went to the gym this morning and burned 717 calories... BUT, of course I've eaten WAY more than that now...
I've maintained since my loss and I'm still at exactly 176.2... I'm not moving anywhere, and I hate that graduation is getting closer, and my goal is staying securely far away from me on the other side of a humongous hill.
This is so depressing I can't even express how I feel right now with words... The food has been in my system for too long to purge it, and even if I wasn't terrified of purging, I wouldn't be able to if I tried.
My gag reflex is stubborn as hell.
If I smell something awful, I gag. Sometimes, I even spew a few chunks..
But when I shove something deliberately down my throat, I only get a stomach ache.
I know this should be a good thing, and it would be... If I didn't feel like a water balloon with legs every time I shove something through my teeth.
I sincerely hope you are all doing better than I am, because if you're not, we're both fucked..
Here's some thinspo to cheer me up. and you..
Off to read blogs and try to derive some semblance of self control.
Stay Strong, ladies =]
I used to be the same way with purging--epic gag reflex, except when shoving my fingers down my throat. Now the gag reflex is just gone. It's a good thing, I think. I feel like I have enough issues without adding bulimia to the mix. X)
ReplyDeleteYou'll get there. That was an awesome workout!! Even if you ate up to 2000, you'll probably still see a loss. <3
I love your couples pictures, it makes me more committed because my bf is working really hard to get in shape and I don't want to let him down. Your work out was good honey, burning 700+ cals is probably what gave you an appetite and caused the binge, keep your chin up. Next time, if you do binge, try keep it healthy foods so that you're at least getting nutrients, vitamins and healthy stuff! x
ReplyDeletegodi wish it wasnt so easy fo rme ot purge it would make resisitn so much easier
ReplyDeletei love the thinspo
stay stronghun
its hard to gain control and the longer you let it out of your reach the harder it is to get back. i hate the feeling of defeat, you can do this, today stay strong
ReplyDeletesometimes you should just skip school, lay in bed and not feel like doing anything. do not think about anything. it will not make u feel like eating anything. u might wanna try it! :)
ReplyDeletexx
If you live in the states.. I'm taking "Xenadrine" You can find it for $19.99 at Target.. and about a dollar more at WalMart. Don't buy it from GNC.. it's over priced there. I love it.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have that same dress as the 5th girl down in your thinspo pics... Except she looks much better in hers ...