A Proper Update

In reply to the comments I've received since starting work:

Peri : I wouldn't imagine that laxative dependence would be fun, but I imagine I've come close in the past. I used to take them every night so that I would be empty before weighing the next morning. I didn't know about the water retention thing though. I makes sense, just never connected the dots.
Yeah, my job is completely stressful. I was reprimanded for not making enough sales yesterday, and I came home in tears because I DO NOT like being yelled at... Or even talked to sternly. Everyone I know says the same thing, that I need to start looking somewhere else for a job... And I agree, especially since it's only the 3rd week I've even worked there, and I'm already coming home crying.
No. Bueno.

Honor : The recruiter completely lied to me lol. I was told that I was doing the firewall shit, and then I get to the actual job and it's nothing like what I agreed to do. The lady didn't know what the fuck she was talking about. She said it was technically a sales job, but that they didn't want me to be pushy at all. Like ask once and if the person says no, leave it at that. Then, I went through the entire hiring process without any additional information, and I get into the training class, and find out that everyone was told something different about what they'd be doing. No one really knew what they'd be doing, and so I didn't even know it was a hardcore sales position until like 3 days into training.
[[ Also, this is gonna sound weird, but don't use the company's name in comments or anything like that, because they have a department that trolls the internet and literally looks for their employees to say something bad about them]] << Completely not even joking... I've never worked for a company that is this strict, and paranoid, and distrusting of its employees.

Miranda : I know! That's why this job is so stressful... I absolutely SUCK at sales, and then finding out that if I don't improve [[like suddenly start making 3 sales per day]] immediately, I run the risk of being fired... So Yeah, I'm completely frazzled right now. Thank you for the encouragement, though. I hope I can find something better soon as well.

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And now, the actual post.
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So, if you read the comment replies above, you already know how work went yesterday, but if you're like me, i.e. you don't see your name, so you keep scrolling, you don't.
So here's the deal.
I got one sale yesterday, which is better than usual... I've worked there for 3 weeks and only made 2 in total. But the end of the day rolled around, and I still hadn't gotten a second one, and so my bosses' bosses' boss got yelled at by the client, which made him yell at his subordinates, which made them yell at my boss, and made him yell at me. It's the chain of yelling [if you watch How I Met Your Mother, you know what I'm referencing]
We're not making enough sales right now, and so everyone is on edge... Basically, there are like 4 people carrying the 60 people who work there... Not good. But I am no good at sales... That's why I took the job in the first place, because they said that it was only an "offer once and leave it at that" kind of thing... Well, They either lied or didn't know what the fuck they were talking about...

Also, In a past post, I had used the company's name... I edited the name out of that post because I found out that they track the internet, looking for mentions of their name, and if they find out that one of their employees says something bad about them on the internet, it's "disciplinary action up to and including termination of employment"
So, if any of you happen to remember the company's name, Don't use it lol.
I know I use a fake name on here, but still... I don't know how far they take their trolling, and I don't wanna risk anything. like I said to Honor, in the comment replies above, I have NEVER worked for a company that is this strict, and paranoid, and distrusting of it's employees. EVER.

On the bright side [The manic depressive, dark, bright side]] I've had to double my antidepressants since I started working this job [[ yeah, that's how stressful this gig is ]] and my appetite has been so freaking low. If you look over at the weight tracker thingy, I'm down to 181.6. I've officially broken out of my plateau.
I only consumed 230 calories yesterday... I was so stressed and sick to my stomach that the thought of eating made me even more sick. I wanna keep the trend going, but since I don't have work today, I'm not as stressed out... Hoping my appetite doesn't come back full force lol. That would suck.
I've also noticed that my energy levels have dropped once again [most likely a result of the heightened depression and anxiety] so I haven't had the energy to go to the gym since LAST Monday... Not this past one, the one before that... I have set my alarm at the right time so that I'd have time to go work out and then shower and get ready and stuff, but I would end up turning the alarm off in my sleep.
I'm glad that my weight is down, but I don't like feeling this way... I don't like being afraid to go in to work every day because I don't want to get in trouble for not stepping over my anxiety barrier and pushing people till they're only buying what I'm selling so that I'll leave them alone... Or worse, pushing them until they're so freaking pissed off that they don't wanna buy anything from the company, ever.

On a completely different topic...
I can wrap my hand around my wrist and have my fingers touch again!
I haven't been able to do that in months, and now that I can again, I'm happier.
Hopefully the rapid weight loss will continue. I'm behaving myself.
No sugar, no junk at all, just nutrition bars and frozen "Lean Cuisine" meals and "Amy's" meals.
That's it. I'm surviving on water, tea, coffee, Luna bars, and those two frozen food brands.
I don't think that my menu has ever been so small...

I'm going to go read all the blogs I've been missing out on now,
I love you girls!