So, I tried on an old pair of jeans [I'll not post the size, because it's horrid] expecting them to fit.
They did not. I mean, I could have forced them on and sat uncomfortably all day while wearing them and had to wear a long sweatshirt so no one could see the pudge, but I decided not to.
Now I'm wearing one of the only pairs of pants that fits me, and there are holes at the thigh from all the rubbing. I'm forcing myself to endure the feeling because I figure it's punishment for letting myself get this way.
I want to see my next goal on Monday [I changed my weigh-in day to Monday because Boyfriend works that day]
175. I know that should seem disgusting to me, but after seeing 204 on a scale in May [with clothes on, but fucking still!] it seems like getting back on track. As of last weigh-in I've lost a total of 21 lbs from where I started in July.. That should make a difference! 20 lbs is a big checkpoint for some people! But I still look the same.. My clothes still fit the same way, I still cringe whenever boyfriend touches my middle, even when I'm standing up.
The only difference I've really noticed is that my bras are fitting normally again.. No more disgusting overflow of boobage.
What I really want is to get to the point where I feel comfortable posting vlogs. I, personally, like watching vlogs more than reading posts [those of you who don't do vlogs, I still adore reading your posts] because you can see the person who is behind the blog. I feel like it allows us to connect in a way that we normally wouldn't be able to.
Lately, I've been trying to find something that is time consuming and engrossing so that I'm not thinking about anything else, and therefore not obsessing about food all day. The day that Boyfriend and I watched the resident evil movies, I think my number was around 600 for the entire day! Since I'd never seen them, I wanted to pay attention so that I didn't miss anything. I wanna find something like that, that I can do every day to take my mind off of food. Posting here helps, because reading your thoughts and posting my own helps to give me a renewal of motivation, which I feel I need desperately! My numbers for the past few days have been awful! [like mostly around 1350 awful]
Anyway, I need to go do my hair and put on makeup.
Love you all!
XOXO
I do that too, except by wearing jeans too tight at the top so I'm reminded to suck it in :/
ReplyDeleteIf you're noticing a change in the bra situation then you're definitly making progress. The boobs are the last place I notice change >.< I've got a sports bra that I used to have 1 pair of boobs in, then 2, then three, now 2 again. Ugh. My jeans change long before then and I'd rahter have smaller boobs! Everyone's bodyshape and fat deposition tendencies are different. Marketers love it :p
. . . Or if you vlog like me it's like connecting with a blur or headless person >.<
A hobby that keeps your hands busy, or you could do puzzles and listen to podcasts? (Plenty of free ones on every topic under the sun. I like the SGU coz it makes me think) You could play Minecraft :p Come one, you know you want to!
My numbers have been over 2000, since I "need energy to work and not get sicker" fucking KILL me. I need SSPO so badly this year.
I hope you have a good weekend <3
P.S.
ReplyDeleteIt WHAT?!? It would not let you bask in the glory of Dralion? HOW RUDE!!
This is the link to my photobucket album that has the kitty pics in it:
http://s1187.photobucket.com/albums/z397/TopazTangles/Home%20Stuff/
I hope it works!
Omg don't start torturing yourself to try to make yourself feel better. It's really counter-productive and most of the time feeling like shit physically just makes you feel WORSE emotionally. I try to stop it as soon as I notice I'm doing it, coz it really fucks with your ability to do normal things.
I'm a cold-loving person too. I couldn't survive in a warm climate! Give me mink blankets and fair-isle mittens over tropical beaches, kthnx!
You have NO IDEA how many nutritional info PDFs I have hidden on my laptop. It's mostly takeaways, since that's all Miles usually goes for. When we go out to a restaurant I start to panic too, coz they NEVER have the fucking numbers there! Lol the only times I go out are for special occasions too. I think Mum+Dad want to do a family dinner for my Bday. I honestly don't care where we go, coz NOWHERE has numbers!
I hope you have a good weekend. Take care of yourself, ok?
Love you <3
OMGOSH I LOVE FOOD INC.!!! I rarely meet anyone who watches food docus. So yes, I was overly excited at your mentioning Food Inc. ^///^ Have you seen one called Frankensteer? Oh it's amazingly eye-opening as well!
ReplyDeleteI do the same thing with the clothes punishment. I had holes in my work pants at the top've my inner tigh area and I said to myself, "Well, that's what you get for gaining 20lbs at this thin-forsaken job. Now you're absolutely not buying a new pair until you're worthy of them. Suck that one!" Haha, it was motivation :L
Ideas for keeping busy: I find some sort've crochet something that I really want to see if I can do, like a project, and then I get hooked {haha pun intended}. Right now I'm working on a hat for winter and mext I'm on to some pot holders for my grandmother's collection as a Christmas present this year ^__^
Hope you have some good days ahead hun! <3
xxoo
That is why I stopped wearing pants.
ReplyDelete(I don't run around nude; I just wear skirts instead.)
Distractions are good when you're trying to lose weight. Is there anywhere to hike nearby? It's a good way to clear your head, and burn calories at the same time. :)
xoxo
P.S.
ReplyDeleteYup, I wrote that. Thank you for the nice words about it :) I was trying to find a good metaphor for the state of my head and missing the first thunderstorm of the season because of work gave me the perfect one.
Love you. Hope you're ok <3