See them? I consider them beautiful, beautiful men lol
That is my type, right there =] mmmmm
Anyhooooo.
So I weighed today, and, although it's slow going, I'm still losing. I'm sitting at 180.2 right now
Even though it's not a big loss, I'm still really happy, because I've never gotten this far down on my goals list before... It's always been, like, I'll meet two goals and then gain and have to start over again.
I quit my job, by the way... I couldn't fucking handle it anymore.
So now, I'm going to get my book finished and published whatever it takes so that I never have to get another job again... Writing is my passion, and I will make it my lifelong career.
It's been really hard for me lately, to stick to my diet plan. Especially since this is birthday/holiday season... I swear, everyone I know has a birthday in July-December, and not only that, but there are holidays that I have to cook for, and special occasions of other kinds that I have to attend... This makes for A LOT of cheat days...
I know that most people fail on diets because they absolutely ban themselves from their favorite foods and then binge. I figure I'm doing myself a favor by allowing myself to eat my favorite things on special occasions, and so far I'm proving myself right... I've never ever lasted this long on a diet before... I've lost just shy of 20 lbs in about a month and a half... It's amazing.
I won't fail this time around... I've learned my lesson. I know now that I can't be happy with the way I am... I've tried to be.. A million and one times I've tried to accept myself being chubby. I just can't.. In my mind, my fucked up, sadistic mind, girls are SUPPOSED to be tiny and fragile and beautiful. I don't see beauty in overweight people... even myself.
People have called me pretty, and all I can say is "I was..."
I see all these women who think their
When I see one of them, I see that they have a nice face and I think "huh, what a shame... She could be so pretty if she'd only lose like 20 lbs."
It's not in my wiring to accept myself this way. I don't care if everyone thinks I become "too skinny"
I've done the research, and my goal weight is actually still in the "healthy" column for my height, so they can suck it.
I know I can do this. We all can, just think of how gorgeous we'll all be when all of our hard work pays off.
If you watched the video at the top of the post, you may have noticed that the type of man I find attractive is pretty thin.. Boyfriend is a little bit thinner than Andy, [the front man with the stunning eyes]
So now you have a little bit of perspective into why I wanna be so small... Because my favorite men are skinny, and I believe that women should be smaller than men, that means teeny tiny me...
Anyway, I'm about to go read and catch up on your blogs. I've missed you all so much!!
Yay writing! I want to be a writer too. And we all know Mich already is a writer. She's published! Go Mich! *cheers*
ReplyDeleteI do suggest you follow up on any other job appications... did you mention a bakery at one point? Mich still has her office job & I'm not quitting retail yet even tho I want to. That's cuz it takes time before writing starts paying the bills. There's a serious lag. Shoot for the moon, follow your dreams, but keep a kite string around until the stars start coming into your hands, k?
You can do this!
We can do this!
That job sounded like a total shithole. It was most likely the best thing for your sanity to leave. Ooooh can I have a signed copy? ;) I forgot if you were going to do NaNo this year or not? It's a good way to force out a first draft of something random! Honour is right though, definitely go for that bakery thing to keep bills covered while you establish yourself as a writer.
ReplyDeleteWith the weightloss better a dozen small steps in the right direction than a huge leap forwards followed by an immediate stumble backwards, right? I try to think of this as a marathon instead of a sprint. Ugh, so hard though. Remembering Dolly and her cycle of massive-denial-diet-lose-2kg-post-diet-binge-gain-3kg has kept me plodding though. One serving of a craving then walk away. FUUUUUUUUUUCK.
I fucking HATE women who have rolls and try to pass them off as curves. It makes it so hard for me to look at my re-defined waist-to-hip curve and not see obesity. My goal is at least a BMI point inside the healthy range. I'm doing this for me too and not for others. I'm already seeing some gratifying results, and I'm finding it so hard to believe how badly I let msyelf go last year. Man was I in denial or what! I guess I should be glad I only gained 12kg after a year of bingeing :/
LETS DO THIS!
P.S.
ReplyDeleteI didn't clock out too late, I was more pissed off that they were able to take shit easy while I had to fiend it :/
I'm going to have to do a photo-post of clothes and stuff soon. I owe you guys progress photos, I think. I was going to do every 5kg and take them at 65kg but was lazy so they're going to be 63kg (Which is the real half-way mark to pre-year-of-binges weight, I think.)
Lol, I'm like that with flatmates too. My version of being social is sitting in the lounge reading a book and ignoring everyone! Hey, I'm out of my room, aren't I?
Yes Ma'am I'll throw a tantrum Ma'am! :p
I hope you have a good day. Take care <3