I am so fucking WEAK!!
I've gone back up into the fucking 170s. I promised myself I would never ever be back here again...
I feel like such a failure.
Every one of you can say no to food. I hear stories about how simply saying, "No, empty is good, empty is strong. I want to be thin." is enough to make you not eat.
That's not enough for me. No matter how desperate I am, if even the tiniest thought of food enters my mind, I can't say no.
I am the weakest person alive.
GOD!!!
I fucking hate this. Big purple stretch marks on both my sides, and my inner thighs. My arms even fucking have stretch marks.. I feel like a huge fucking cow.
no.. Not a cow. a WHALE!
Why is it that this is so hard for me??? HMM?? When I read all your stories about how you're beginning to see your bones, or that they are present all the time. I don't understand why My fat brain can't let it go.
Then I eat, and I feel so guilty that I feel like ripping out my ribs and crying. I feel like stabbing myself over and over and watching the disgusting yellow fat spill out of me, and then sigh and say, finally, it's gone.
Halloween is about a week away, and I'm still a fucking lard ass.
There will be no seductive, sexy halloween costume for me.
Because fat people can be neither sexy, nor seductive.
I should simply crawl in a hole and wait until I am thin again.
Mom's home. Gotta go
it's hard for everyone hun. if only it could be easy!!! maybe you should try and ease yourself into it, like allow yourself bigger intakes and gradually whittle it down? a couple of girls have tried the GM diet which allows you to eat as much fruit/veg etc in a day - maybe you could try that?
ReplyDeletei know you can do it - it just takes time
xx
hun we all struggle u have to know that
ReplyDeleteim sorry that ur having such a rough time right now
but u just have to figure out what works for u
stay strong lovely