Dear Ana,

I've failed.
Mother made cinnamon rolls.
I told myself "just one bite." and I meant it, too.
Too bad I have ABSOLUTELY NO SELF CONTROL
I had 3.

THREE FUCKING CINNAMON ROLLS.

Way to break my fast, huh.
Two days of fasting, down the toilet. And for what?
Ooey, Gooey, disgustingness.

I just bought 3 bottles of laxatives offline [it's cheaper that way]
And I was tempted to buy Ritalin.
It was from a "foreign pharmacy" website.
But seeing as I'm a mess with a complete lack of back-bone.
I chickened out.

It's not like anyone would ever find out that I'd done it.

The website even said "Discreet packaging"
Ergo, no one would be able to tell what was inside the box.
But it also said "Against State and Federal Law To Purchase a Controlled Substance Without a Prescription."

That's the part that got me.
GOD

I feel so disgusting. I'm ashamed of myself, and ashamed of the fact that I can't control my ravenous stomach.
I want to cry
I want to roll around on the floor and scream and bang my head against a wall until my ears bleed.
That might even out all the fucking weight I've just thrown into my body.

I could have at least broken my fast with something healthy. But NO.
I just HAD to stuff my fat face.
With the way I'm doing now, I'll never reach my second goal.

Punch me in the face
Kick me in the stomach
Or a variation of both.

I am so close to losing it, it's not even funny.
And as soon as I finished the first one, I felt sick.
My body didn't even want it in me.

So what did I do?

I added 2 more to the mix.
It's one thing to binge on different thing.
It's quite another to binge on something that you already know will make you sick. 

Yell at me please.

Here's some Thinspo, for those of you who are doing as badly as I am, and For those of you who arent... You can use this to save you from yourself... Just like I should have done.