My Apologies...

About the long absence.
That stupid "eat yourself thin" diet didn't do shit. Why am I surprised?
I may not have been doing it right since I've been so busy trying to keep up with school and work and everything.
I literally forgot what stress felt like before now.
My mother is FREAKING out over money. Every last penny is a reason for her to lose it.
I missed a doctor's appointment because of stress, and I had just plain forgotten about it with the new job and with still trying to keep up in school.
I'm fucking exhausted and haven't weighed in like two weeks, maybe more.
Graduation is not so much creeping up as sprinting at full speed.
I still have good grades and I'm now getting work release credit so I'm sure I'll be able to graduate on time. That's not a concern anymore.
Honestly, I'm just tired.
All the stress and lack of sleep has gotten me sick with some sort of bug, and I'm sure my immune system has taken a hit.
I've most likely gained. I want to fucking cry every time I see myself in the mirror.
This time last year, I was at exactly the same place.
I was thinking about being skinny for summer and I was losing.
And then I got proud of myself and started "rewarding" myself. Biggest mistake of my fucking life.
Because here I am, one year later, still fat as fuck, and regretting every last bite of food that passed my fat lips.
I'm officially starting over.
I don't care about past mistakes.
All I care about is making damn sure than I don't gain even 1/10 of a pound from now till forever.
I've run out of antidepressants, and I'm afraid to ask mom for more because she thinks we're in a money crisis... I guess I'm done with them until we get back on our feet =/ let's just hope I don't crash...
Thinspo