1 fruit tart
1 chocolate eclair
1 bowl of macaroni and cheese
1 bean and cheese burrito
All in all = 1434
I am SO fucked.
Why the hell can't I be good? I did relatively well yesterday. Only about half of a chicken salad, two granola bars, and some watermelon.
total was 856.
Still not way good. But now? I'm fucking fat. I feel like a whale. and the worst part is that it's getting warmer outside, so I'll no longer be able to hide behind baggy sweatshirts and other heavy clothes. I really want this to be easy. But the minute you let go and eat one bite, you start the entire cycle over again with the cravings and the NO NO NO in your head.
I seriously hate feeling this way. So why the hell do I keep putting myself in this situation? I feel great when I'm empty. Light. Clean. Pure. Empty. But the minute food enters my mind I lose it all for one short period of gratification.
Boys don't want to marry fat girls. I always imagined myself in this pretty strapless dress at my wedding looking all pretty and perfect and thin. I'll never get that the way things are now...
I really need help, you guys... I'm sinking here and I don't know how to keep afloat. I try everything, pills, exercise, I'm just too damned lazy to keep up with any exercise program.. The pills keep my appetite away for a while, but the minute they wear off, I'm back to the drawing board... Do I take another pill and fuck up my sleep? or do I just tough it out and try to keep away from food for the rest of the night? Well, the latter doesn't work. That's what I try every night, and every night it fails epically.
I can't talk anymore =/ I love you guys so much for being here for me and supporting me through everything i'm going through right now and ever since I started this blog.
Here's some Thinspo to help keep you [ and me ] on our feet.
We can do this girls! I know we can.
So today could have been better, don't worry: tomorrow you'll de great! I had way too much too today, so tomorrow we'll both do better!! Together we CAN do this!!
ReplyDeleteu deo what u have to do hun no1 can mkae u thin no1 can tell u what to do u have to figure that ou ton ur own me i listen to my fucked up head but im amess and i can go days with out eating and not even notice my body cant handle that nemore i fucke ditup to much u just have to think about it do u wanna b thin and do it the hard way to the easy way thehard way would save ur health they healthy way exercse 1200 cals a day or do it th eeasy way like i have done my ole life and thenen dup with fucke dup health i still wonder y i do it wow sorry just ranted there didt mean it
ReplyDeleteDrink LOTS of water, add some benefiber to it. That will fill you up with no calories. Seriously, every time you feel like eating, chug some water.
ReplyDelete