Do these people not understand that now I have to cancel my trip up to visit my grandparents, I have to work the day of my graduation, and I now have no time to celebrate anything whatsoever.
If ANYONE thinks I'll ever cover for them again they can go fuck themselves.
As for food, I've been fucking horrible today. Big fucking surprise. I'm a fucking broken record. I never say anything new, its always the same failures, and the same complaints. Work, School, Family. Nothing new.
I really hate everything right now. I hate my body, I hate my co-workers, I hate sitting at home and watching tv for endless hours every fucking day.
Honestly. If I found out that someone needed time off to GRADUATE for fuck's sake, I would cover for them. Why the hell can't they get this through their thick, dumb skulls?
I really wish that money would just fall out of the sky and into my lap right now. Then I wouldn't need this fucking job and I wouldn't have to answer to anyone [other than the IRS] ever again.
I still can't fucking believe that these co-workers of mine are so fucking selfish. The PRECISE reason that I covered for them in the past was because I was hoping they'd pay me back for my time on this exact occasion. I've never asked for time off before. Yet whenever anyone has texted me saying they were sick or going out of town, I took their patients without question. Even if it was at night after I had been to my own shift, AND school on top of it.
And I can't yell at them. Because unfortunately, I need this job right now.
I'm fucking LIVID right now. I'm sure you've all gotten that point by now. Sorry for using you guys as a vent, I just can't talk to boyfriend about every little detail of this because honestly, it wouldn't piss me off nearly as much if I wasn't so fat that I have to actually plan out an outfit to wear. Most people plan out their clothes because they want to look cute or show off something. Me? I do it because I'm trying to hide as much as possible without looking like a freak dressed in layers in the summertime.
I can't tell boyfriend that because, even after 3 years, I've only hinted at my issues with weight and eating. He has no idea of the extent of the damage.
Everything is just hitting me so god damned hard right now. I'm fat, Boyfriend does not want to get any closer to me. Not move in, Not get married. Nothing. And now I have to work on graduation day.
I feel like my antidepressants aren't working as well anymore. My doctor won't prescribe me a larger dose, which is probably a good thing, since I can't build a tolerance this way. But I still feel that I need a drug-induced [legal] boost of confidence.
Anyway, I'm sure you've heard enough of my rant. Thank you guys for all your great comments, they make my day =]
THINSPO
OMG that stuff sounds so frustrating. I'm sorry you have to deal with those assholes. I would TOTALLY fill in for you if I could :-)
ReplyDeleteOooh darling, I hope one of your co-workers eventually will offer to cover for you... If one of those idiots may have this idea...then maybe you can get out form under it!
ReplyDeleteHang in there!!xx
im sorry hun can u talk to ur bosses would they understand they have to understand its ur graduation for fucks sake so talk to them and mayb ask evenmore ppl ask around u shodulnt have to work on that day
ReplyDeletei work retail so yeahi have to find some1 to cover for me as well if something comes up but if iknow 2 weeks ahead of time i reguest off for i def get it
Love your thinspo pics!
ReplyDeleteSorry about the work/graduation mess. What douchebags!! I'd beat them up for you. <3
ReplyDeleteI feel like I'm in the same place as you right now--hating how much I eat, hating my body, work, etc. etc. etc...... We can get through this!! It's just a rough patch.
Rant all you want. xoxoxoxoxo