I envy all of you.
I envy my little sister.
I desperately want her to help me, but she's never home, and when she is home, she's with her friend.
Need. Help. Badly.
I've read all the tips and watched every Thinspo on YouTube.
I read your blogs faithfully and find great inspiration and motivation there.
But that motivation is fleeting.
It usually lasts about an hour, or less.
My attention becomes averted, and I must find something else to do.
That something is usually food-related.
I'm literally going insane.
I can't go on with this
In control for a few hours a day
Binging and completely uncontrollable for the rest.
It's like, if I even have ONE taste of ANYTHING, I'm out for the count, and I'm shoving the whole thing in my mouth before the word "No" even gets the chance for comprehension by my one-track mind.
And sex is not that track.
I can't allow myself to lose control again.
It's driving me mad.
The guilt after eating is far worse than any pain I could possibly experience from hunger.
I HATE THIS GAME
Once again, I'm flushing this disgust out of my system with water and powerade zero.
I'm going to take a couple cleanse pills once I'm done with this post and hopefully empty myself out by tomorrow's weigh in.
I'm debating whether or not to weigh today... I know I should, but I also know that the results will more than likely be devastating, and I'll end up crying myself to sleep tonight.
I might do that anyway.
I'm going to stop ranting now before I make your eyes bleed.
THINSPO
I promise you, we all struggle with that very battle everyday! I think what really motivates me the most is when I see progress come from myself. Thinspo pictures only motivate me for as long as I'm looking at them hah. I really just try to keep myself busy as much as possible with work and errands. Reading is always good too!
ReplyDeleteI know it's hard, but the only way anything is going to change is if YOU make the change. You can't rely on your sister, though support from her is always a plus, she can't do it for you. No matter how much you want that. Besides, in the end, when you have finally achieved your goals (which you will, I know it) wouldn't you like to be able to say YOU achieved them? YOU were strong enough to do it?
I really don't mean for any of that to come off as doggin' on you because I really feel where you are coming from. But with from my past experiences, it woulda saved me a hell of a lot of time and failures if someone would have said something along the lines of that nature to me.
It all starts with one no. You can do it, I really have a lot of faith in you:)
On another much lighter note, I have found it beneficial to me if I suffer a day of splurge to wait a week to weigh myself. It's almost as if I start a competition with myself to see if I can take the bad experience as a lesson and apply it day by day until that weigh in day. A lot of the time I end up weighing less than before I screwed up. Plus, I'm a lot like you in the sense that I would cry myself to sleep as well as put myself into a full out fuck-it-imma-eat-whateva binge mode!
So, again, good luck. You got dis :)
I have felt exactly the same for the past few days =( I have no self control, and no motivation at all. I look at thinspo but still cant convince myself not to eat crap.
ReplyDeleteAlso I have lost the ability to eat one serving, I finish the whole thing off before I can even realize what I am doing.
I dont even purge everything out, I only purge because my stomach hurts so bad being stretched out so much, I just purge to get rid of the pressure. I am disgusting, but I feel your pain..
It does suck being out of control. And it also kinda sucks that only you can get yourself under control. Cuz it's hard to do that. That there is no help, just encouragement. Gotta remember that all you need is you, this is a goal that doesn't require huge amounts of $ or anything like that. You *can* do this! We all fail. Me too. Just gotta get back up and try again.
ReplyDeleteits every minute of every day for me too. I obsess and ill be good while im looking at thinspo for an hour then find myself in front of the kitchen. You literally have to force yourself to do anything I know that sensation and I fucking hate. i hope so much for you that you find a distraction which allows happiness in your completing your goals later. We are here for you
ReplyDeletewe all struggle hun its just something that we all go t hru and u cant halep it or fight it it is what it is its just how u deal and cope that matters
ReplyDelete