181.9 to be exact. [with clothes on, but who cares. That number is unacceptable.]
I hired a nutritionist who says I need to eat every 4 hours, and exercise every day.
I'm fine with the exercising part... It's the eating that bugs me.
I knew I'd gain if I was allowed to eat.
I FUCKING KNEW IT.
I tried to tell him I didn't want to meet with him anymore... Then the bastard reminded me that I signed a 3 month contract, so I'm stuck unless I want to pay my way out of it. Which I can't do.
I need to lose weight, but at this point, I don't even feel like i can anymore.
Every time I try to fast, I binge.
Every time I try to do it the healthy way, I gain.
I can't stand this endless cycle anymore
Do you remember earlier this year when I said that I wanted to be thin by this time?
Well, you can all see that I more than failed.
I've been living off of protein shakes and oatmeal... yet still I gain?!
...WTF...
I seriously am about ready to slice open my stomach and rip out the fat with my bare fucking hands.
I've done nothing productive since I've been gone, so I won't even try to tell you that I've accomplished something.
I need to escape.
I need to go back to being the depressed, suicidal girl I was in 9th grade.
At least then I was skinny.
Hunger fucks everything up.
Screw biology.
Screw anatomy.
Screw everything.
I need to be skinny. I miss my fucking hipbones.
Even my neck feels huge...
I want my collar bones back...
I need advice. If you have any, I want to hear how you guys all get back on track when you fall off the wagon. I want to hear any and everything that helps you girls when you're feeling the way I do now.
A girl I went to school with did the make-up in this picture. I'll post pictures of the girl herself below.
vvvvvvvvvvv
These next few photos are of a girl with whom I went to school. She's absolutely perfect in every way, and I can honestly say that I wish I was her...
She is perfect, and the ultimate inspiration!
Wow.. she's a model and a makeup artist? Wow, definite inspiration.
ReplyDeleteI'm too old to ever be a model now, but I'd still like to be a makeup artist.
And I'm still trying to behave too.
And what does this nutritionist have you eating? If he's a proper nutritionist then you shouldn't be gaining. Something is wrong. Is this dude licensed?
Hey hey! Sucks about the gain, but it happens and you can totally get back on track. Why don't you start with the healthy skinny girl diet to start with to get into the swing of restricting for a couple weeks then perhaps progress onto the normal SGD. I mean you should definitely lose a few on the HSGD. Good luck! Always here if you need! Xo
ReplyDeleteTry low carb? The small (as in snack size, like apple slices with a tbsp of peanut butter, or a cup of low fat cottage cheese and 1/2 cup of blueberries, etc etc) meals often approach is a very good one - it keeps your metabolism revving so you're always burning fat. Diet is 90% part of losing fat and weight, so you really need to be honest with what you're eating and how much. Try looking at your portions now and cut them down by a third? Also, having lots of fibre in your diet will stop your body absorbing fat from food. So think high protein, high fibre, low sugar, salt and fat.
ReplyDeleteExercise, although it's only 10% of the battle, is crucial. What exercise are you doing? Moderate to high intensity is the best (ie. you should be breathless, but able to hold a reasonable conversation), for AT LEAST 30 minutes a day, but 45 is the goal. Finally, weight training, on top of cardio, is absolutely amazing. You've got to push yourself hard with it and constantly challenge yourself, but it will speed up fat loss and muscle definition immensely. I would advise a personal trainer. Some gyms offer them with your membership, so take advantage.
I want to just caution you with starting to restrict again: you're in a position that you can do this without Ana or Mia and if you work hard then you won't need to. I hope that isn't patronising. I would kill for a nutritionist and a personal trainer, so if you can have both then you are very lucky. Just don't starve, as you don't need to. If you make sensible changes and stick with them for 6 months, then you will see results, I promise that. You should think about a FIT blog, rather than a THIN blog, and maybe it might provide you with new motivation?
Lots of love xxx
I know you say that when you eat, you gain, but if you truly stuck with the nutritionist's plan and worked out regularly, eventually surely the weight would start to shift the other way? I have the same problem as you - I can't get into a routine so I'm interested to hear if you have success.
ReplyDeleteKeep trying lovely, never give up. xx
I know how you feel!! Trust me you have the strength within you!! Go on sparkpeople.com to motivate and track yourself everyday!!
ReplyDeleteI have also been swaping meals for baby food and ive been exercising everyday.Do eat every 3-4hours for metabolism and drink like 4cups of green tea a day besides the 2litres of water. Make all your snacks and 3/4 of your meals veg or fruit!! xx