Confusion, End of Day Totals, and an Angry Rant

This might be a long one, girls [and guys?] so if you have to pee, I suggest you do it now.

I'm going to bed after this post, so I think it's safe to announce my end of day calorie count.
1,067 calories. And 2 litres of water. I stayed well under my limit, and am quite pleased, to say the least. I might walk for a few minutes before I go to bed, but we'll see just how exhausted I am when bedtime actually comes.

I've had a stomach ache for the past couple hours, and it feels a bit like hunger pains, but I don't feel hungry? Today has been surprisingly easy because of that last point: Not feeling hungry... But, in the same way, it was also difficult.. Because the way my mind works is: Even if I'm not physically hungry, I'm mentally hungry... I need to be so full that I'm physically sick in order to not crave food. So, today confused me because I didn't feel tummy hungry... I felt mind hungry, and that's the hardest kind of hunger for me to get rid of, because in my head, I'm hungry. My stomach rarely enters the equation unless I'm too full to speak, or so empty that my stomach growls.

And... Angry rant time.
So, for a little bit of background info, My sister and I have always had a complicated relationship.
I've always been made out to be the mean big sister, which, I admit, I have been mean. But sisters are known for being vicious to each other. Well, when she was younger, she was always pissed off at me because her friends liked to hang out with me. But I never hung out with them exclusively, and she was always there when I was around said friends. The thing is, as soon as I became remotely 'chummy' with one of her friends, she, my mother, and pretty much my whole family would say things like "you're her big sister, be nice."
I didn't then, and still don't see how I was being mean. In fact, I completely stopped talking to those friends of hers the minute she asked me to...

Now, here's what I'm angry about. She is a complete pothead. Like burnout status, and most of my friends are too. But for the last few months, they've been talking to her more. Which I understand, since they all smoke ridiculous amounts of weed. But when I talk to her about maybe not isolating me so much, she gets mad and asks 'what do you want me to do about it?'

Had I not been through the same situation with her, but reversed, I wouldn't be so pissed about it. But the fact that she spoke to me about the exact same thing [hanging out with her friends too much] I completely stopped talking to those people. And I'm not even asking her to stop talking to them! I just don't like feeling so isolated from everyone I know. Which is exactly how I feel. And I've talked to her about it multiple times, but she couldn't give a shit less.

About a month ago, my best friend moved in with us because she was having a hard time and needed some support and a place to stay... Now, a month later, that same friend that I was so close to before, only hangs out with me when the little sister is not available. I know it's not all my sister's fault, obviously, but was it really completely my fault when her friends were hanging out and talking with me? No, it wasn't, but still, I ignored text messages and invites to hang out to the point where they  never even bothered anymore, because I wasn't allowed to respond.

My whole family was the same way. they all told me that because she's my little sister, I should just stop talking to them, because she needs the friends and I have my own. And whenever I'd get a text from one of them, she'd shoot me this look like 'don't you dare text back'
And I wouldn't.

But now, I have two people in my life to turn to: My mom, and Boyfriend.
Every time I try to talk to one of my 'friends' about a fight I've had with the sister, they agree with her, and usually tell me that I'm either being mean, or too harsh, or need to see it from 'her point of view'
I can't turn to anyone anymore. I can tell that mom and boyfriend are getting tired of hearing the same complaints over and over again, and I don't want to drag them into my drama, anyway.
My mom already stresses out about so much in her life, I don't feel like I should be adding to the stress, and I feel extremely selfish whenever I do.

Because, just as I'm doing now, every time the subject comes up I go off on these tirades and rants that always outline the exact same things, in the exact same, teary-eyed way.

The thing that gets me is this: The fact that my her friends actually want me to see it from 'her point of view' makes me laugh, and this is why.
A] My sister is EXTREMELY disrespectful to both me and my mother
B] She is only nice when she wants something, and if she doesn't get it, she makes you feel like you
     are the WORST person on the face of the earth, or just goes for insults.
C] Those insults (for my mom, anyway) usually revolve around trying to convince her that "Ayden
     would be allowed to go" or "You'd let Ayden do it"
D] Which, in turn, makes my WONDERFUL mother feel like shit.

And on a side note, I NEVER wanted to do the things that she asks to do. She participates in drug deals in shady areas and with shady people, and goes to raves regularly.

When I was a kid, the worst thing I ever did was go doorbell ditching, or sticking wet tampons to things.

And those two things above ^^^ I was the exact same age as she is now when I was doing those things. She is out of control, and rude, and [I know you may just think I'm angry as I say this, and think that I 'don't really mean it' But I do]

She is the ultimate manipulator. She appears nice to my her friends, but she's most definitely not showing them everything. In fact, when they take her side, I want to scream that they don't even KNOW her. She has an ulterior motive for everything she does. And even after a huge family fight, she is unaffected. She goes about her business like nothing ever happened, and then makes me and my mother sound like boring awful people who only wish to ruin fun for everyone. If I fight with my family, I am depressed until it's fixed. Especially with my mother, [since, if I fight with my sister, I know that it won't be resolved unless she gets her way]
If I fight with my mom, I absolutely can't stand seeing her upset. I love her too much, so I'll stay in her room for hours talking things out and making sure that she's okay..

And, you know how "Fine" and "I don't care" DON'T mean "yes, love, you may do [insert activity here]"
Little sister takes her first opening as permission. Even if she leaves my mother in tears, [which she frequently does]

I even had to talk my mother out of some suicidal thoughts that were the result of things that my sister had said to her.

And it is because of all the things above that I have been finding it increasingly hard to like my sister. I'll always love her, but I don't like her all of the time.

*End Angry Rant*

I love you girls, and hope that you're all having a better night/day than I've had.
Bed time, now, though.
Good night, my loves. I'll post again tomorrow
 And, Before I forget; Thank you, Piggy, Clytie, and Alice May for your encouraging comments, You made my day, girls =] I smiled after each one of your comments!