Juice Fast Fail

I'm a total wimp.
I made it through almost three days straight, but I became SO sick.
I couldn't move without feeling like throwing up, and I couldn't juice quick enough to keep my blood sugar up. I was in pain and nauseous and grumpy as hell.
I've been eating pretty healthily since then, though... I'm making brown rice, with vegan cheese and black beans right now, just to get me through this morning.
I don't want to eat anymore. I just feel so disgusting all the time..

I ordered some Raspberry Ketone pills over the internet a few days ago, and so I'm waiting for those to get here. When they do, I'm thinking of doing the All protein thing again. Just because, since I'll be taking ketones anyway, I might as well put my body there naturally, by not eating carbs.

Getting off the juice fast was a big mistake, and I know it... I weighed with my clothes on the other day, and the scale read 201.4.. I don't really know how much I weigh for sure, just since I didn't weigh myself nude, and I have no idea how much my clothes weigh. My guess would be that I'm somewhere around 197-198

I hate this... I was doing so well before I stopped restricting, losing consistently, but then I broke down and ate and look where I am now... 20 lbs more than I was one year ago and so fucking frustrated that I want to throw myself through a wall.
I can't do this anymore... I'm so sick of looking at myself the way I am now, but whenever I try to do a diet, I am too weak to say no to the things that taste/sound good.

I want to read Wintergirls again, and fall back into my calorie counting.

I'm so fucking fat that I don't have the energy to exercise anymore... I know I need to just do it and get it over with, but it's literally becoming difficult to even get out of bed in the morning.. I didn't even come out of my room until noon today. I just laid there, and debated with myself whether or not I wanted to go back to sleep...

I NEVER had this problem before.. I used to be bothered if I slept even a minute past 9. I felt like I had wasted my entire day if I slept that late.. And now? I sleep till fucking 11 every day, if not later.

I need some serious motivation, guys. I can't live like this anymore. All my memories are starting to blur together of the past 2 years just because that's how long  I've been focusing on losing weight, and so I've been focusing on nothing else.

My mom is home and I need to help with groceries. I have to go.
XOXO