And I'm down now to 189.8. I'm more satisfied with that number, even though it's only 0.6 lb, I just wanted to be OUT of the 190s. And now that I am, I'm making a solemn vow that I will NEVER go back.
Seeing those ridiculous numbers was [and still is] extremely depressing... Like I wonder every day how I let myself get this way. And I can never answer that question, because I know it was all my fault. Once I got a car it all went downhill... I no longer had to walk home from school, or over to friends' houses, or anywhere else for that matter. I've always been a pretty sedentary person, but the walking about 1 mile home from school every day was what kept me looking decent.
I remember being at a plateau between 142 and 143 and thinking that I was SOOO fat. And now?? I'm like 50 lbs more than that.
I miss being able to think that a number like that was fat...
I miss the days when I thought I was fat, but actually wasn't [around 124 lbs]
Now, I actually am fat.
It used to be that I'd mention my weight, or make a comment about being fat, and EVERYONE would jump out and say "no you're not!" "You're perfect" "You look great just like you are"
Now??
I mention my weight, and everyone tries their hardest to ignore the comment... Or they'll put forth a half-hearted "no you're not"
But I know that they can't possibly mean it.
I'm done being pitied.
I'm done being fat.
DONE.
I've reached a turning point, and I am going to stay this way.
I'm going to eat healthy food when I must eat, but if I can stave off hunger, it'll be water for me
I will continue to exercise EVERY DAY, no matter what.
Even when I'm sick, because, every time I've stayed home from the gym because of a sickness, I never go back, and I WILL NOT let that happen.
I need to be happy again... And I can't be happy with life or anything else until I can be comfortable in my own skin.
Thinspo: Autumn
As you can probably see, I'm still counting down the days until Fall starts lol
LoveYouAll ♥
I can pratically feel your motivation! It's catching! haha.
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I feel the same way...i'm also around +-190lb (don't have my scales with me right now) maybe we can go through this hard journey together helping each other? We can do this!! We can reach our goals we have dreamed about all the time))
ReplyDeleteLet's be skinny and pretty for Autumn!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd way for 180's! Nothing like braking into a new 10-pound bracket to inspire you!
Woohoo! were you a cheerleader in a past life? Cuz this is inspiring! Such conviction!
ReplyDeleteI'm only about 3lbs less than you and i just ate half a pizza yikes!
So I'm finding you extra inspiring. You can do this!! We can do this!! Show me how it's done? Or am I pressuring you? *hugs*
And reading your comments thus far, maybe i should check out Farmacista too? Wow... is that Greek? I'm not sure.... the letters look a bit like what i see in the old Greek biblical paintings. :D I do love other languages. So sad that I suck at languages!
Hello,
ReplyDeleteI just thought i'd let you know this post was really inspiring. I am also close to your weight and I see all these thinspo blogs about girls who are already >120 lbs (my UGW) so Im really looking forward to reading on. I have followed your blog.
Thanks for everything,
-Brittany
Honor Regzig, it was Russian) and i'm Russian)) Thank you for tipping off about it..i didn't even notice a thing. I love other languages too))
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