Dear Ana,

Today, I have had:

A ham, egg, and cheese sandwich from the school cafeteria
A hashbrown
A mini blueberry muffin
Pineapple
And another sandwich.

I feel alright, Just can't wait to be thin.
I haven't been able to post lately what with all my school and CNA things to do.
Just too busy.

My metabolism seems to have sped up though. Kind of odd... Maybe because I've been exercising more?
Maybe?
Maybe no?


Also, It may be because I may have accidentally on purpose doubled the amount of my miracle pills that I was taking...

Just throwin that out there.

thank you all for your support after my manic depressive rant the other day. Just needed a kick in the ass.
I love you all so much =]

Dear Ana,

I am so fucking WEAK!!

I've gone back up into the fucking 170s. I promised myself I would never ever be back here again...
I feel like such a failure.

Every one of you can say no to food. I hear stories about how simply saying, "No, empty is good, empty is strong. I want to be thin." is enough to make you not eat.
That's not enough for me. No matter how desperate I am, if even the tiniest thought of food enters my mind, I can't say no.

I am the weakest person alive.
GOD!!!

I fucking hate this. Big purple stretch marks on both my sides, and my inner thighs. My arms even fucking have stretch marks.. I feel like a huge fucking cow.

no.. Not a cow. a WHALE!

Why is it that this is so hard for me??? HMM?? When I read all your stories about how you're beginning to see your bones, or that they are present all the time. I don't understand why My fat brain can't let it go.

Then I eat, and I feel so guilty that I feel like ripping out my ribs and crying. I feel like stabbing myself over and over and watching the disgusting yellow fat spill out of me, and then sigh and say, finally, it's gone.

Halloween is about a week away, and I'm still a fucking lard ass.
There will be no seductive, sexy halloween costume for me.
Because fat people can be neither sexy, nor seductive.
I should simply crawl in a hole and wait until I am thin again.

Mom's home. Gotta go

Dear Ana,

These Lipofuze pills are amazing.
I have been eating less and less every day, and the thing about that is... I feel like I've binged after like one bowl of soup.

They make everything fill me up like mad.

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I finished my clinicals today, and now all I have left to do is go in and take the test.
I need to change my bed sheets... They are like really disgusting. I think it's been like a month or two since I changed them last... yeah... That's what I thought..

G-R-O-S-S!

I'm weighing in next Tuesday... Let's hope these little miracle pills help me reach my Goal #2!

I'm so excited!

Posie is like my ultimate motivation... Last I read, she was down to 85... That takes major motivation!
She commented me telling me about how her ribs and hip bones show through when she wears a tight shirt and I was all... Well, hell, I want to know what that feels like...

So, Posie, darling. Thank you for being the kick in the butt that I need right now lol


Tomorrow, My family and I are driving out to see my grandparents for the day. I am SO excited! I miss them so much that it hurts sometimes lol.

Aside from mommy and boyfriend, they give the best hugs ever =]

Stay strong, ladies =] I love you all

Dear Ana,

Hey, all.
I don't know if any of you have noticed, but I have changed my SUPER GOAL weight to 110 pounds.

116 just seems like too much. And besides that, it's a number that does not end in 0 or 5.

Blame my BFF, J. She is obsessed with the volume on the television. She puts it on like 15 or 20, and say I change it to like 21 or 22 while she's in the bathroom, she WILL know. Haha I don't know how she does it, but she can tell.

And so, her obsession has rubbed off on me.

Lowering the poundage only one pound sounded a bit pointless... I mean, why go for 115 when I could go for 110?

It's a bit more, but if I can even get down in that area in the first place, I think it's possible.
I received my miracle pills..

LIPOFUZE.

They are my savior... They have weird side effects, but, those side effects make me less likely to eat, so overall, I'm okay with them.

I have been taking them for 6 days, now, and for the past 2 or 3 days, I have had an extremely scarce appetite. I have only eaten twice today, and both times, I was unable to finish the meal. It has been this way for the past couple days. I feel overly full much sooner than I normally do.

I'm still too scared to weigh, though. I kind of want to be sure that I'll see results before I pull out the scale...

On a different note, I have been feeling like a complete failure lately.
After going to my final CNA clinical and seeing all of the dying, elderly people, I realized that I could have been doing something to help them long before this.

I hate seeing all of those sweet people helpless and dying, and being unable to prevent, or even put off, the inevitable.

It makes me so thankful that my grandparents are so healthy. My grandmother just got back surgery, like only two months ago, and she's already out of the rehabilitation facility, and back at home. She is a fast healer.

It makes me wonder why some people don't stay close to their families. You may not get along ALL the time, but you never know when the words you just said, will be the last words from you they hear.

Even when my mother and I are fighting, I still say that I love her before she leaves the room, or the house, just because I know that it's true, and that everything will be resolved in only a short while.


On an even different-er note.

I HATE the paranormal activity movies. The first one was boring, and stupid, and I just hate that they're making a second one... This time, they're including a baby and a dog... BIG CHANGES.

Only not.

This is a super rant lol. My cat is yelling at me because I'm not petting him at the moment lol. And my dogs are all barking out in the other room because they dislike being in a room in which there are no people haha.

I love my pets =]

CANT WAIT TO BE SKINNY!!!

The pills I got also came with a 3 day detox thing. So basically, since I've been taking them, I have had the shits... bad.

The phrase "never trust a fart" has never held so much meaning to me.
Pooping is not a sport I would like to take part in this frequently... I mean, come on. I had no clue that my bowels could hold so much...

Sorry for the TMI.

I'm watching South Park lol... Cartman eats Vagisil to give himself short-term memory loss... He's an idiot. lol

I would really rather just skip this entire weight loss process and just wake up skinny tomorrow...

OOO have any of you ever heard of the HGC or HCG diet? I can't remember which it is.

It's like they take the hormones from pregnant women's urine and they inject it into you like heroin. And then, since pregnant women's metabolism is keeping two people alive, they lose weight. But there's a catch. They're not allowed to eat more than 500 calories per day.

The weight LITERALLY just falls off them. They lose like 5 pounds every 2 days.

One of my teachers did it, and she is SOOO skinny now.

Only there's another catch... Lately, in Utah, there have been people who are lacing the hormone shots with cocaine.

So the weight falls off faster, and they begin to have withdrawal symptoms, and, they die.

So you can basically not tell for a while that you're shooting up with coke.. and then it's too late.

So FYI, DON'T use this diet.

I'd prefer that you stay alive lol

PleaseAndThankyou XD

Dear Ana,

I officially have food poisoning... =/ guess that's what I get for eating yesterday.
I haven't gained any weight, but I haven't lost any either. I'm in a rut, and I need to be yelled at, kicked in the ass, or the face, whichever suits you.

So Here's some disturbing pictures to keep me [and hopefully you too] on the right track today.

Quote from a poster I saw today:

""Even if you're on the right track, You'll still get run over if you just sit there...""

Pictures:

Disney wouldn't be so popular if their princesses looked like this:

I don't think Mario can jump that way...













THE HARPOONS,, MAN THEM...

"You can't make ME exercise!"










I'm not arguing with that kid... He might sit on me.


Fat people are fun to laugh at... Not to be.
...MeanButTrue...

Good luck, ladies!

Dear Ana,

I have officially reached 30 followers =D wo0t! wO0T!
I remember when I was still thinking about accumulating just a few, and now I have 30 =] I love you all

I saw the number 168 the other day, but, sadly, I am pretty much stuck at 169. My texting buddy, G told me about these pills called Lipofuze. And I guess they've been suppressing her appetite like mad, while also causing her to drop extra weight.

G got them for 60 dollars while they were on sale... I did not get them on sale... So, desperate as I am, I ended up coughing up something like 130 dollars... That money was supposed to be used to buy things like scrubs, and packets for school..

But oh well.. What's being able to graduate worth if I'm not skinny enough to have a sexy party afterward?

I adore all of you guys for giving me so much support when, frankly, the people around here are being much less than therapeutic.

I recently learned why so many of the girls at my school are teeny tiny skinny...

It's because they Roll like every weekend, sometimes even more often than that.

[For those of you who don't know what Rolling is, It's doing Ecstasy]

And for those of you who do know what it is, you most likely know that it is ALWAYS cut with something else like meth or heroin.

Those two things apparently make your heart beat so fast that no matter how much you eat, your metabolism is moving too fast to keep up with it.

So now, at least I know that they're not naturally like that... Well, some of them still are.

I just can NOT wait to be thin enough to wear a sexy halloween costume this year =] I've always wanted to, just been too fat to do it =]

So, a BIG thank yo to my new followers =D
And I love you all!
Stay Strong, Ladies!