Blog Award =]

From Mich =D

My story can start with the fact that my name isn't really ayden. I simply put it that way for the purpose of preventing people from my home life from finding out who I am.
My initials are A.H.
I was born on November 4, 1992 in Salt Lake City, Utah..
Believe it or not, I was not raised Mormon. Although almost all of my friends were.
I'm not as creative as Mich, and I'm not very trusting with my laptop, therefore, there will be no pictures.
Sorry =/
I went to private school until 2nd grade, at which time, mother pulled me out and put me in public school.
Parents got divorced when I was young
Mom got remarried when I was in 2nd grade, and when I was in third grade, new-daddy died of prostate cancer.
We then moved closer to the school at which mother worked so that I could attend there.
I met my first real friends, all of whom stabbed me in the back and taught me to be stronger than all of my friends from there on out. Thus, no back stabbing unless it was coming from me.
I met boyfriend in 8th grade, and we've been dating since 9th.
Before him, though, I had a rather nasty one who was a main reason for the depression and anxiety disorders. He was an angry lil fella.
I separated from him, and attached to current boyfriend, who was simply my bestest friend at the time.
I failed school... Completely.
I never did my work, and hardly went to class.
I almost didn't graduate on time.
But I found an excellent school which I miss and loved. That school helped me turn my entire life around and start making the right choices.
I never was much into drugs, only drinking.
And I never did that very much either.
I still don't.
I adore animals... More than humans if I'm perfectly honest.
I don't like people who fake their way through life without actually growing and learning.
I love books... They are my life raft when I'm adrift.

I'mma pass the award on to 8 people, as Mich did. lol Keep the tradition alive.
1. If Life Gives You Lemons, Don't Eat Them
2. Posie
3. Honor Regzig
4. Zette
5. Child of Apathy
6. Lund3on
7. Black Angel
8. Isobel

Love you all!
THINSPO

Dear Ana,

Phase one of the diet is officially over!
I'm so happy =]
But still too scared to weigh... I want to wait as long as possible so I can be more surprised when the moment actually comes...
I'm a puss... I know.
I just want to see the biggest weightloss possible.
I made a Facebook account because Myspace has become obsolete. None of my friends use it anymore, therefore, if I want to talk to them, I must switch to facebook.

I hate breaks from work... I had a patient at 7 this morning, and I don't have another one until about 11
4 hours... yippee
I want tea... But I'm too lazy to make some...

I hate it when boyfriend works... I'm bored and lil sister is still sleeping.

I want to be skinny so badly.
I added some old acquaintances on Facebook... A lot of which are HUGE Thinspirations to me.
I wish I could post some of their pictures, I just don't want to run the risk of someone finding out it's me doing it.
So I'll post pictures of random strangers instead =] Enjoy!

Dear Ana,

I've started a diet. Invented by a french M.D. named Pierre Dukan, So far, Aryn says I've lost weight... I've been on this diet for 3 days.
These three days have been nothing but protein... I've never craved vegetables this much in my entire life.
I still have four days to go..
I'm not dying by any means, I simply am sick of eating the same foods over and over again. Turkey, Tuna, Steak, Chicken, Eggs, Yogurt, Cottage Cheese... and repeat.
I've been making egg whites for myself for breakfast lately.
9 in total. That's 63 g of protein... Then I'll have a can of Tuna, which is 21 g.
I get to start having vegetables in four days.
But only every other day.
This diet seems odd, believe me, I know.
but, according to Aryn, it's working. My clothes are fitting looser as well.
I'm not going to weigh until the first phase of the diet is over, and then hopefully I'll be more pleasantly surprised.

I went camping last weekend. It was way fun until we were almost attacked by a cougar our second night there. We kept hearing twigs crack, and the dog was freaking the fuck out, so we started packing up our stuff. that's when we heard it growling... The fucking thing sounded like a motorcycle engine starting. Boyfriend saw its eyes while he was packing up the tent and made me get in the car.
I sat in the car with a machete, hiding while the men packed up camp...
Quite an eventful weekend, if I do say so myself.

No thinspo today, since mother and godson are sitting right next to me.
I'm off to read and comment =]
Toodeloo!

Dear Ana,

People have officially started commenting on my weight... I need to change it fast.
My patient's husband, today, mentioned that I'm heavyset like his granddaughter... I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it, but it cut me to the fucking bone.
A friend of mine mentioned how my weight fluctuates and how I let myself go every so often.
Boyfriend was there when this comment came up, and he didn't argue or say anything.
I can only assume he agrees and doesn't want to admit it.
I haven't eaten at all today, and yesterday I consumed somewhere around 1400... Bad. Bad. Bad.

I hated this game when no one would admit how fat I really am... But now that they do admit it, I have to say that I hate it even more.

I bought, like, 3 new kinds of pills... A green tea thing, and two types of detox pills.
I still really want to pursue bariatric surgery. I want a 3 oz. stomach.
The faster I shrink, the better...
Do any of you know if starving can shrink the stomach? [I mean the organ, not the area.]
I'd just really like to be able to resist food without effort or struggle...

THINSPO

I Hate This Game...

I ate everything today.
My antidepressants don't work anymore.
I want to cry over everything.
My sister is abandoning me for her stoner friends.
[if you read this, sister. Don't talk to me about it. In person, or over this blog. I'm just venting]
I don't deserve my perfect boyfriend.
I can't do anything right.
I know I sound like a fucking broken record, but this is the first time I've felt legitimately like crying in over a year.

Like I said, I hate this game...

Dear Ana,

i ate pie yesterday... Pie..
Mother, boyfriend, and sister's boyfriend all wanted to get pie. So they bought 3.
Chocolate satin
German chocolate
and Apple...
3 of the best/worst pies in the deep blue sea.

I fucking hate all this temptation.
I can't do it. I need to lock myself in my room for 3 weeks, and have someone only bring me water. I'll have tv, books, and my computer. All I need for entertainment. just no food. That's how it needs to be.

I never have any time to post anymore.. I'm always either working, sleeping, or too ashamed to post because of how lazy and food-crazy I've been.
I have to go back to work here in a little while... I hate having my patients all spaced out like they are today. I'd rather just go to one, then the other, then the next and so on and so forth. But today, it goes: 8:00 am, 12:00 noon, and 4:30 pm. That's spaced out as hell.
That leaves me about 4 hours in between patients, and that makes 4 hours of avoiding temptation.

Sure, I haven't eaten today, but I'm betting I'll fail by the end of the day. I always do... I'd just like for it to be as small a failure as I can make it...
I've got to go get ready to go back to work.
Wish me luck, ladies =]
Thinspo

Dear Ana,

I've had only a bowl of fruit to eat so far today, and that was at about 11:00 this morning. So I'm pretty pleased with myself right now.
I want another tattoo... Very badly. I know what I want to get, and where, I just am too lazy to make the damned appointment. But now that I'm out of school I can do that pretty much whenever I want.
I was disappointed that I had to go to graduation as the fat whale I am today... Still, after being this same weight when i started this blog. I should at least have made SOME progress, but no. I'm too much of a hungry, hungry, hippo.
Iced tea is delicious =]
Thinspo!