Dear Ana,

Well, I pretty much just blew my entire day...
My sister told my mom that she suspected me of having my ED back.
So... they made spaghetti, and made me eat an entire plate of it... BLECH!!!

That's gotta be like 800 calories... I feel disgusting...

To balance out the sodium in the pasta and sauce and stuff, I just drank a whole liter of water.
So I should sweat out all the salt I just inhaled in about 6 hours at the gym...

You all need to kick me if I don't burn AT LEAST 500 calories.
GOD I'm such a fat ass.

I need to think about all the skinny girls at my school, and about all the gorgeous celebrities who are idols for pretty much the entire female population...

This morning at the gym I saw this woman who was like morbidly obese. And all I could think about was "God I'm glad I don't look like her..."

Well, If I keep it up like this, I will.
I will not eat
I will not eat
I will not eat
I will not eat
I will not eat
I will not eat
I will not eat
I will not eat
I will not eat
I will not eat...

Hopefully now it's burned into my fat brain.

Dear Ana,

I went to the gym this morning, as usual.
And I'm down another pound, putting me at 170.6.
Yeah, I'm happy, but i only lost one pound in three days... It's pathetic.

And not only that, I binged on like 500 calories at lunch... bad bad bad.
I need to learn better discipline...

I was hoping to have reached my second goal.. but I'll just have to wait a couple more days till that happens... But it WILL happen.

Wish me luck, guys... I really need it right now.

Dear Ana,

Taylor Momsen is the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen!
And she is the same age as me lol
She is my major-est thinspiration EVER!

So here she is in all her gorgeousness =]

I want to be thin enough to wear slutty clothes like that!!! haha love you all =]

Dear Ana,

30th post! YAY!

Yesterday, I found an equation that you can do to figure out how many calories you burn in one hour.
So for all you girls who count calories like I do, every hour, you can subtract a certain amount from your number!

Take your weight and multiply it by 10. Ill do the equation using my own weight as an example.

171.6 x 10 = 1716

Then add your weight to this number

1716 + 171.6 = 1887.6

This number is the amount of calories your body will burn in a day just by sitting around.
Then, divide this number by 24

1887.6 / 24 = 78.65

And this is your hourly rate.

When you eat, this number will rise and you'll burn even more calories. But I was too lazy to figure out that equation, so I'll just keep restricting and subtract 78.65 every hour.

Yesterday, I made it into the negative digits =] yay me!

Dear Ana,

Today has gone pretty swimmingly lol

I've started noticing small changes in my body and by restricting calorie intake I hope to see many more.
I started school on Thursday, and now I have a three day weekend, with one day behind me.
Yesterday I consumed a total of 550 calories. Way better than I've done in the past.
Today so far, I've had 320 cals.

My mom and I are going to be out for most of the day, so that should keep me away from food for a while. and then after 4:00 I can't eat anything else.

[4:00 is my cutoff time for every day]

I'm going to weigh on Monday morning after I work out.
I'm kind of playing a game with this.
I'm seeing how much weight I can lose by Monday for school.

Fingers Crossed xx

Dear Ana,

I just ate two quesadillas and a package of gummies... Totalling 430 calories..

I'm not going to eat anything else for the rest of the day. It shouldn't be too hard since it's already 5:00 pm.

So my sister's friend is over right now and she is talking non stop about an ED she supposedly has..
Generally, I don't think it's too smart to spill your guts about purging after anything touches your tongue. Especially with mi madre in the house.

I don't understand why she would tell this to the world... Some people just wouldn't be as accepting as we are and would send her ass straight to recovery.

And the way she talks about it is like she simply wants the attention... I mean, why else would you tell all to a family that you don't know?

IDK. I know it's probably more complicated than she's making it seem. I just don't want her shipped off to a hospital if she doesn't have anything to be hospitalized for...

I kinda wish I could read minds, so that I could know what is going on inside people's heads and not judge them by what they say..

I mean, some people just sound like they're lying all the time. It's just in their voice.
And I don't want to be judging this girl without even knowing the whole story.
With how much she talks, it sounds like it's not only the whole story, it could be a 500 page novel.

I like the girl, though, so I really want to be sympathetic with her and not jump to conclusions.

The reason I think the ED is fake, though, is because I've known her since she was in 2nd grade, and she has been over here a lot. I've never seen any signs at all.

I need to be less judgemental. So I'm changing the subject lol

Last night, boyfriend brought cookies into the house... and I ate like four... They were 120 cals each, so that's like 480 calories that I could have ignored completely.

FML lol.
I just tried a Prime Time. [ for those of you who don't know what that is, it's a mini flavored cigar]
It was berry flavored, and it was yummy lol.

I hate Jersey Shore... They are NOT Italian. I don't care what they say..

lol peace.
Good luck, and Stay Strong, Ladies =]

Dear Ana,

Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I was way busy with school and the gym and everything.Good news: I'm down another 0.4lbs =] putting me at 171.6.

School yesterday was awful.. The school part was good, but the fact that like everyone there is super skinny and gorgeous just wasn't exactly the greatest thing for my self esteem [or lack thereof]

It is soo dumb though. I had school for one day [yesterday] and now I have a three day weekend [cuz at my school we don't have to go on Fridays]


So I'm going to turn this into kind of a game and just see how much weight I can lose by Monday lol.
I think it'll be fun lol.

Stay Strong, Loves =]

Dear Ana,

I have officially reached my first weight loss goal, 172.0 EXACTLY!!!

Yay =] And I'm not going to fuck it up like I have in the past. Imma keep it up strong!
I haven't eaten anything today, and I'm going to try and keep it that way for as long as I can

I'm not going to lie. It's because of your blogs, and comments. I read your blogs and hear about how strong you all are and how you're reaching goals and losing weight.

Hearing about how happy you all feel when you've reached a goal is definitely an inspiration.
You guys are all so supportive and helpful. I just don't know what I would do without this type of community to turn to.

Don't get me wrong.. I'm still a super fatty lol, but thanks to you, I'm just a fatty with more sanity.

Thank you all so much! I'm so glad I don't have to do this alone =]

Dear Ana,

So I changed my mind from doing a fast for 4 days, to doing this Ana boot camp thing I found and it lasts a little over a month.

What it is is that you alternate your calorie intake anywhere from 800-0 calories in a day.

I'm not going to go as high as 800 though.

I'm gonna keep it between 700 and 0. This diet makes it so that your metabolism is fooled into not knowing whether to prepare to starve or stuff. Plus, you don't get any of the signs of starvation [i.e. languo, bluish fingernails, etc.]

Today, I've allowed for 700, just to start off. I haven't reached 700, and I'm going to try not to lol

Good luck, ladies =]

Stay Strong!

Dear Ana,

I just got home from spending an hour at the gym.

Where I burned a total of 474 calories without having eaten anything.

I drank a cup of black caffeinated coffee so I had tons of energy.

I'm going to weigh Thursday morning after I work out. I'll keep posted =]

Now... Here's some thinspo =]

Dear Ana,

Yesterday was not so good.. =/
In the morning I was doing really well, [3 egg whites with cheese=140]
Then boyfriend decided he was hungry...

When boyfriend is hungry, my house ends up full of things like cinnamon rolls, donuts, etc.

This time it was pizza.
Needless to say... I binged.. Four pieces in one sitting, then two more later... A total of 6 fucking pieces of greasy, fatty, yuck.


So, to make up for it, I'm going to fast until Friday.
That's 4 days of no eating =]
I'll only have tea, black coffee, and water.
I hate feeling this way...
I wanna be empty again. And so I will be =]

Good luck, all of you =]

Love love

Dear Ana,

I just weighed myself and....

I'm down to 173.2! .8 away from my first goal!

I'm still fat as fuck, but it feels soooo good to have finally lost weight!

Yay me!

You guys have helped me so much with your gorgeous comments and support! 

It is so wonderful to finally have somewhere to turn about my problems with weight.

Thank you all SO much. You honestly have no idea how much you all mean to me =]

Dear Ana,

Here's some more Thinspiration =]

Hope you don't need it as much as I do, but enjoy anyway =D

Scene:

Skinny Jeans:

Reverse:

This is NOT sexy!

How could anyone be happy like THAT??

Now picture this outfit on a THIN woman...
WAAAY more pleasing, huh?

Compare THIS,

To THIS.





Now you tell me which looks better...

Dear Ana,

I waited to post today until I was absolutely sure how I had done.

I consumed a total of 740 cals today..

MUCH better than I have been doing lately =] So I guess I could say that I'm pleased. 

Bowl of cereal for breakfast, and a 6 inch subway sandwich at about three or four.

I suppose this could count as successful day #1 lol. 

I would like to thank Lola Rose for her advice to think about all the reasons I want to be thin before I binge =]

I thought I had tried it before, but I had been looking at it in the wrong way. I was thinking about why the food was bad... BUT, I was still thinking about food, and that's the wrong way to do it [for me, anyway]

Today, when I thought about Lola's advice, I looked at it from a different perspective. I actually thought about my body, and the way it looks now, and the way it could look if I say no to food in the right now.

Needless to say, I was completely put off of food =]

Thanks Lola =] your advice really helped me.

All of your comments and support have really helped to keep me going =]  So, thank you to everyone else as well =]

Stay strong, girls! We are worth it!

<3 A

Dear Ana,

I just got home from the gym. We left a little earlier than I would have liked because my mom was tired. I didn't want to send her home alone, so I went with her and my sister.

I burned a total of 513 calories. Not enough compared to how much I've binged today... I got up over 1,000 calories today. It's bad...

Now I'm letting my mom and sister use the shower before me so that there's less hot water and I have more of a chance of getting a cold shower... My body will have to burn some calories to stay warm. That would add to my tiny number.

At least I went to the gym at all though. My lungs were on fire by mile 2 lol. Damn cigarettes. I think Imma quit once school starts, cuz I'll be going to the gym every morning before school, and cigarettes and exercise definitely don't get along.

I have a love/hate relationship with the gym... On the love side, it helps me become closer to my weight loss goals, and there are fit, thin, beautiful women there that can be motivation.
On the hate side, there are fit, thin, beautiful women there who make me look like tanned mayonnaise in a rubber glove...

Oh how I  need some self esteem haha.

Here's some Thinspo.
It's for me just as much as it is for you guys lol.

Stay strong ladies!!